“Marriage is not a static state; it’s an ongoing action. It’s not merely something you possess; it’s something you actively engage in every day.” – Unknown
Recently, my partner, Tom, and I enjoyed a refreshing weekend away from the chaos of daily life. We attended a concert, dined at exquisite restaurants, and wandered the city streets while sharing heartfelt conversations. It felt idyllic. Yet, merely three days later, I found myself filled with anxiety, exclaiming, “I feel like we’re drifting apart!” Tom nodded in understanding, acknowledging the rut we were both sensing.
One of the pitfalls of working closely with your spouse is the risk of falling into a repetitive routine. The gradual drift can sneak up on us, much like the tide receding from the shore. Being together all the time can make it easy to neglect quality time dedicated to our relationship. Instead of planning intentional moments together, we often find ourselves preoccupied with daily tasks and responsibilities. We might be physically present but emotionally distant, focusing on errands and business matters instead of nurturing our bond.
When I sense the onset of one of these ruts, I take immediate action. I express my feelings in order to tackle the issue head-on. Tom may think I’m overreacting, but I refuse to allow our connection to wither away unnoticed. Who wants to coexist in a household where two people merely pass through life without truly seeing or hearing one another?
It’s entirely possible to maintain productivity—managing our home, preparing nutritious meals, raising our kids, and advancing our careers—even while in a rut, which is precisely what makes it so alarming. We can find ourselves operating on autopilot, merely going through the motions without genuine engagement. So yes, call me dramatic, but I create a stir when I perceive any distance forming.
At times, establishing clearer boundaries regarding work and technology is essential. We might set aside time to outline business goals, but then we should prioritize personal moments—like putting the kids to bed early, enjoying a dinner together, and watching an indie film without distractions from work or phones.
Moreover, we recognize the importance of having our own space within the home. Our children know to knock before entering our bedroom, which we’ve deemed our sanctuary—a space that’s just ours. Additionally, we understand the need for laughter and play. Not long ago, we decided to jump on a trampoline together for half an hour, laughing uproariously until our stomachs hurt. Simple activities like enjoying a quiet meal, engaging in a tech-free conversation over coffee, taking an evening walk, or even working out together can be effective ways to break the monotony and proactively nurture our relationship.
Just as I strive to redirect my focus across various aspects of my life, I must also channel my energy during designated time with my partner. Setting these boundaries has become increasingly crucial. Both Tom and I need to be recognized as individuals with unique interests and perspectives—not just as business partners. After all, we are human beings, not merely human doings.
Navigating this balance requires deliberate effort. Successful marriages don’t simply occur by coincidence; they demand continuous work, adjustments, and attention. We must resist falling into autopilot mode and instead embrace each moment as a couple.
After sounding the alarm about our rut, Tom and I took our kids to the pool and spent two hours discussing what was happening between us. We explored the reasons for the distance and devised strategies for improvement. We both became aware of behaviors that had contributed to the disconnect. Those moments of open dialogue are among the things I value most in our marriage. After 15 years together, we’ve come to realize that even the strongest relationships can experience drift. If we successfully manage a business and raise joyful children but neglect our relationship—the very foundation of our dreams—we will have missed the true essence of life.
It is our responsibility to remain attuned to the state of our marriage and prevent ruts from taking hold. For further insights on relationships and personal growth, visit this blog. Additionally, if you’re interested in exploring home insemination, CryoBaby provides excellent resources. For more information on pregnancy, check out this Healthline resource.
Summary
Maintaining a vibrant marriage requires intentional effort and open communication. By prioritizing quality time, setting boundaries, and addressing any signs of emotional distance, couples can avoid falling into a rut. It’s crucial to view marriage as an ongoing action that demands attention and care.