“Duck rhymes with that bad word. The one that starts with an ‘F’.”
Oof. That caught me off guard.
“The one spelled f-u-c-k.”
This unexpected revelation from my 6-year-old, delivered at an ear-splitting volume, echoed through a bustling New Orleans restaurant full of holiday diners. Several patrons turned their heads, some flashed knowing smiles, while others looked on with disapproval. A few kids nearby inquired about my daughter’s outburst, while one particularly judgmental diner shook her head in disapproval.
“That’s true, but it’s not exactly appropriate for kids. Also, let’s use our inside voices, please.” I replied, trying to maintain my composure. My husband and I returned to our gumbo and discussion about the upcoming football game, while our daughter resumed coloring a bright blue duck on her menu. The disapproving woman continued to cast disapproving glances our way.
Despite her clear disapproval, we weren’t perturbed by our child’s expanding vocabulary. Here’s why:
Vocabulary is Essential for Communication
While she can certainly create a detailed drawing, my child primarily communicates verbally. There’s never been a time when she expressed a need through interpretive dance, nor has she asked for assistance through a sonnet. To articulate her thoughts effectively, she must be familiar with a broad range of words. Understanding the difference between “excited” and “nervous,” or “upset” and “angry” is crucial for her development. At just 6, she’s on a journey to discover language, eager to explore its nuances.
To navigate this linguistic landscape, she must feel free to express herself, even when it comes to controversial terms.
Teaching Responsible Language Use
When my child utters “the F-word,” I can first explain that it’s inappropriate in certain situations, and then address her age. If she continues to use it, I can enforce suitable, safe consequences. It’s vital for her to understand that language choices can lead to different outcomes.
Let’s entertain the notion, like the disapproving diner, that my child shouldn’t be exploring such language at her age. If my teenage daughter, when I’m not around, uses the F-word, it could escalate into a situation where someone misinterprets her intent and responds harshly. This could result in an unnecessary confrontation or worse.
I would rather face judgmental stares from fine diners than jeopardize my child’s safety over a word.
Words Hold Power
Words possess extraordinary power: they can uplift, heal, or, conversely, harm. My daughter, who is the product of a diverse cultural background and was adopted by parents who look quite different from her, navigates a complex social landscape. She’s spirited, competitive, and sometimes quite assertive.
There will be enough opportunities for her to face language being used against her. We’ll address those moments as they arise. For now, I refuse to give undue significance to an already potent concept, especially when my reaction would create an artificial sense of power around it. Every word has its context. If I respond with shock or laughter to powerful language, I risk hindering her ability to comprehend its real implications and how to use it appropriately in the future.
While she may say the word, she doesn’t fully grasp its meaning—just as she confuses “clothes hamper” with other terms. Rather than fight against it, I choose to focus on more pressing parenting questions, like “Are we making the best choices right now?” So far, the answer has been a resounding yes.
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In conclusion, allowing children the freedom to explore language, even when it includes adult terms, can foster responsible communication and understanding of language’s power.