As a pediatrician, I’ve seen my fair share of parenting challenges, and one of the most frustrating concepts is the idea of “phases.” My son recently turned 6, and if I’m honest, the year he spent as a 5-year-old was quite tumultuous for us both. I was secretly hoping that once September rolled around, some miraculous transformation would occur, and his frustrating tendencies would magically disappear. Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen.
I feel guilty admitting this (but not too guilty, because here we are), but kids can be incredibly annoying. Right now, my son seems to be in a hyperactive whirlwind, constantly whining, throwing tantrums, and talking back. He never appears satisfied, always asking for more, more, more. It’s enough to drive anyone up the wall. While I typically resist the notion of phases, I sincerely hope this is one of them. It has to be, right?
Why I’m Not a Fan of Phases
So why am I not a fan of these so-called phases? For starters, there are just too many of them. They remind me of those trendy neighborhoods in big cities that real estate agents try to label with catchy names to justify inflated rents, even though they’re just a few blocks of the same old streets. The term “phase” can easily be manipulated to describe any time your child is acting out in a different manner. From the terrible twos to the rebellious fours, there’s a catchy label for every stage of challenging behavior.
“It’s normal for his age!”
“He’ll outgrow it!”
“Mine went through the same thing.”
It’s easy to understand why we rely on this concept. Despite my aversion to it, I do the same thing for the very reasons everyone else does: it’s simply easier. Dismissing your child’s disruptive behavior as just another phase allows you to kick back with a glass of wine, reassured that your little one will eventually mature past this annoying stage and transition into the next one. Just take a breather because there’s little you can do about it!
It’s much more comforting to categorize your child’s sudden surge in bad behavior as part of the universal parenting experience, rather than facing the possibility that your child might need guidance, discipline, and active parenting to navigate his current struggles. Nobody wants to accept that their kid could be a handful, and the idea of phases helps mask that reality.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“This too shall pass.”
“It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
“It’s just a phase.”
A phase is like a wish your heart makes, a desperate attempt to excuse your child’s difficult behavior without having to confront the possibility of your own influence—whether that’s your genes, your parenting style, or your child’s own temperament. Sometimes, it works because kids genuinely do go through typical developmental struggles.
However, there are occasions when the challenges stem from your parenting, genetics, or the child themselves. And in those instances, simply pouring another drink won’t suffice. Because sometimes, it’s not merely a phase.
Finding Support
The key is to discern the difference. If you’re facing challenges with your child and need support, consider exploring resources like Kindbody for insights on parenting and child development, or visit Make a Mom for more information on home insemination practices. For additional parenting advice, you can also check out our article on intracervical insemination.
In summary, while the notion of phases can be a comforting excuse for challenging behavior, it’s essential to recognize when it’s time to step in and provide the guidance your child may need.