When I was around 10 years old, my brother made a brief appearance on the local news after a community event. My family and I gathered to watch the broadcast that evening, and everyone erupted in excitement when they saw him on screen. Everyone except me. I sulked in another room, feeling overshadowed by his moment of fame.
Why was he the center of attention? Why couldn’t I have that spotlight too? Wasn’t I worthy enough? I sulked until my parents found me. Upon learning the source of my discontent, they offered me some understanding but quickly urged me to support my brother instead. After all, we were family, and his success didn’t detract from my own value.
I wish I could say that their advice magically erased my feelings of jealousy, but that wouldn’t be true. Just the other day, I spotted a fellow mom at school donning the most fashionable and flattering leggings I had ever seen. I felt a pang of envy not only for her style but also for her ability to look effortlessly chic while I was in worn-out sweatpants and a messy bun. Honestly, I even envied her perky figure.
As I have aged, my attitude has shifted significantly. I care less about fitting in with the “in crowd” and have become adept at deflecting negativity. On many days, I feel confident and empowered, even calling myself a beautiful badass. However, it would be disingenuous to claim that I never experience self-doubt or envy now—because, in truth, these feelings are part of the human experience. Anyone who insists they’ve never been envious is likely not being honest with themselves.
I find myself in the “constantly improving” category. While I am learning to manage my envy more effectively, I still have a lot of progress to make. One key takeaway I’ve discovered is that ignoring or denying feelings of envy often intensifies them. Rather than alleviating the discomfort, it results in a messy mix of jealousy and frustration. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step toward overcoming them.
Recently, I watched a video featuring comedian Sara Mitchell, who candidly shared her own experiences of jealousy when a friend landed a gig she also wanted. It was refreshing to realize that even the most accomplished individuals experience self-doubt and envy. This revelation made me feel less guilty about my own feelings regarding that mom’s trendy leggings or my friend’s popularity.
However, recognizing envy is one thing; acting on it is another. Sara suggests confiding in someone about your feelings, but warns against letting them dictate your actions. “I never diminish someone else’s light to make my own shine brighter,” she stated. In other words, don’t be a jerk.
As cliché as it may sound, practicing gratitude and kindness can be incredibly powerful. We often hear the phrase, “Count your blessings,” which can be annoying to hear in tough times. Yet, when I take stock of the positives in my life while baking for family, it truly helps lift my spirits. And, let’s be honest—who doesn’t enjoy a compliment about their cookie-making skills? Comfort food also works wonders; after all, cookie dough is like a warm hug.
The irony is that once I address the murky feelings of jealousy, I often find valuable lessons hidden within them. If I compliment that fashionable mom, I might learn where she shops (it’s usually places like LuLaRoe). Observing a colleague’s success can also motivate me to elevate my own aspirations.
When all else fails, I channel my inner Stuart Smalley and give myself some uplifting self-talk. As cheesy as it sounds, we are all extraordinary in our own ways, and there’s plenty of good to go around. We’re all navigating this journey together. As Sara concluded in her video, “There’s always a place for you, because no one is exactly like you.”
In essence, you’re a beautiful badass—never forget that!
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Summary
This article discusses how feelings of self-doubt and jealousy are universal, even among confident women. It shares personal anecdotes to illustrate that these emotions are part of being human and emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing them. By practicing gratitude and kindness, and learning from envy, we can transform negative feelings into positive growth.