As a physician, I frequently encounter new mothers who share their apprehensions about the shift into motherhood. When people ask, “How was it?” they often expect a cheerful response, much like the casual greetings exchanged on the street. However, for many of us, this question invites an honest reflection that goes unspoken. New mothers are often expected to beam with pride and declare, “It’s amazing!” while silently grappling with the overwhelming challenges that accompany caring for a newborn.
I’ve attempted to provide a more candid response in the past. I’ve said, “It’s not as daunting as I feared,” (despite my initial terror about losing my previous life). I’ve also pointed out, “It’s tough, I’m exhausted, but my baby is generally wonderful.” (At least most days.) And I’ve lamented, “The lack of personal time can be disheartening.” (It’s hard to argue against that, right?) Yet, these honest admissions are often met with raised eyebrows or concerned glances, as if I should seek professional help or consider giving up my child.
Let’s be real for a moment: parenting, especially in those initial months, is a significant challenge. It brings joy, wonder, and warmth, but it also demands an incredible effort to ensure a newborn’s survival when you’re also trying to take care of yourself. Those of us who once boasted about our busy schedules while in college now truly understand the eye rolls from mothers we encountered back then.
As my child approaches the one-year mark, and as I prepare for my second pregnancy (clearly, I didn’t find it unbearable enough to not do again), I’ve learned that it’s essential for mothers to prioritize their own well-being. Yes, we need time to heal, rest, and bond with our infants. However, as the fog of new motherhood gradually lifts and we transition from zombie-like states, it’s crucial to carve out time for ourselves. This advice comes from someone who relocated abroad, far from family and friends, and thus away from built-in support systems.
Here are several strategies to reconnect with yourself during this transition:
1. Seek Support
Start with your partner. Regardless of their work commitments or hobbies, parenting is a shared responsibility. To thrive in your role as a mother, you need moments to recharge. Aim for a few hours each week where you can engage in activities that bring you joy, whether that’s resting or pursuing a passion.
2. Reignite Past Interests
Were you a dancer, a painter, or perhaps a fitness enthusiast? As soon as you feel ready (and cleared by your healthcare provider), dive back into those activities. For instance, I jog while my baby naps or bring him along in a jogging stroller. I’m a writer, and although my freelance output has diminished, I make it a point to journal daily. Rediscover something you enjoyed before motherhood and integrate it back into your life, even if it’s on a smaller scale.
3. Prioritize Sleep
Yes, it may sound humorous, but sleep is vital, especially for new mothers. Babies often sleep between 11 to 18 hours a day, even if not all at night. If you are on maternity leave or at home, seize the opportunity to nap when your baby does. If you feel overwhelmed by chores, consider going to bed early. Don’t hesitate to ask your partner or a family member for help during weekends. Embrace every chance to rest—your baby relies on you, and it’s not lazy to take care of yourself.
4. Step Outside
Introducing your newborn to the world can be daunting, especially if you’ve been confined indoors. After giving birth at home, I initially felt apprehensive about going outside. However, the strain of isolation began to affect my mental health. Taking a walk in my neighborhood provided a sense of normalcy and accomplishment, proving that both baby and I could venture outside safely.
5. Pursue Your Aspirations
One of the biggest misconceptions is that motherhood requires women to abandon their dreams. Society often sends the message that mothers should pause their ambitions to focus solely on parenting. While motherhood is indeed demanding, it shouldn’t serve as a barrier to personal growth or professional aspirations. We rarely ask fathers to halt their careers after becoming parents. If you have goals—whether that involves further education or a career change—remember that it’s not only possible but also encouraged to pursue them.
As I prepare for my second child, I’ve discussed my plans for law school with family and friends. While they bombard me with questions related to parenting, when my husband expressed his desire to pursue an MBA, no one blinked an eye. I chose to disregard the irrelevant concerns and focus on what truly mattered: childcare and finances. I’m excited to share that I’ve applied to start law school next year.
Motherhood is undoubtedly challenging. Every mother, regardless of her strength, needs time to rest, adjust, and breathe. However, we can indeed “have it all.” It may require sacrifices from the entire family and adjustments to our budgets, but it’s feasible.
If you’re currently navigating this transition, waking up every few hours and feeling overwhelmed, remember that this phase is temporary. Life progresses, often in a whirlwind, and even during the tearful days, it will pass. When it does, hold onto your identity, dreams, and aspirations. You are now a role model for someone who will look to you for inspiration on pursuing their own ambitions.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and finding balance, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, embracing motherhood while not losing yourself is a journey that requires support, self-care, and intentionality. By prioritizing your passions, seeking help, and taking time for rest, you can thrive in your new role without sacrificing your identity.