Not long after my partner and I tied the knot, we came to a consensus: one of us would stay home to nurture our children in their early years. For various reasons, I stepped into the role of primary caregiver, managing everything from school runs and extracurricular activities to household chores like laundry and grocery shopping. Meanwhile, my partner took on the role of the financial provider, ensuring that our family had the resources we needed. This traditional family setup, while somewhat cliché, suited our unique circumstances, and I recognize how fortunate we are to have had this choice.
Our decision came with its own set of advantages and challenges. For us, this seemingly lopsided arrangement has generally worked, but it hasn’t been without its trials. There were days when I felt completely overwhelmed, up to my elbows in messes, whether it was baby spit-up or toddler tantrums. I often found myself wondering if I would ever get a moment of peace, let alone have time for a proper lunch. My medical degree gathered dust while my career ambitions took a backseat.
On the flip side, my partner faced the immense pressure of financially supporting our family. As he climbed the ranks in his field during a challenging economic downturn, sleepless nights became the norm as he worried about our financial stability. The concept of balance felt unattainable then.
However, as our children have grown and entered school, we’ve begun to experience a semblance of balance in our lives. I now work part-time from home and occasionally manage to catch up with friends, though I still handle most of the grocery shopping and laundry. My partner has also found a bit more flexibility in his schedule, allowing him to spend quality time with our kids, like organizing special outings or attending school events. As I contribute financially, the load he carried for so long is lightening—albeit slightly.
Yet, even as we experience these small improvements, life still feels unbalanced. Each day often leans heavily in one direction or another, and the pressure to achieve a perfect balance can feel suffocating. A close friend recently shared, “My life feels like a series of lists with items left unchecked.”
The reality is, life can often feel chaotic and demanding. We tell ourselves we need more balance—work-life balance. But I argue that this notion is a fallacy. The pursuit of balance is an obsession that drives us to madness.
Of course, it would be wonderful if we could achieve that perfect equilibrium, seamlessly managing all responsibilities and checking off every item on our to-do lists. But the truth is, balance is a construct, an ideal that simply doesn’t exist. This relentless chase for balance may stem from a deeper desire to be everything to everyone—a societal expectation that we can indeed have it all.
What we often overlook in our endless quest for balance is that life is inherently cyclical. It unfolds in unpredictable ways, bursting forth in phases of growth, stagnation, and change. There are seasons in life filled with family, work, and friendships, each with its own joys and challenges. Some periods are fortunate enough to bring about a sense of balance—however we define it—where responsibilities and downtime align. Yet, these moments are fleeting.
Many days can be consumed by chaos: crying children, work meetings, and endless to-do lists. And while there are rare days filled with joy, laughter, and connection, the norm is often a whirlwind of activity and responsibilities pulling us in every direction.
True balance, if it is ever achievable, requires a long-term perspective. It cannot be forced or micromanaged. Yet, we are bombarded with messages about achieving this balance, adding to our feelings of inadequacy. This pressure only compounds our sense of failure, as we strive to be perfect parents, dedicated professionals, and caring partners all at once.
Life is often unpredictable, and while it can be overwhelmingly challenging, it is also beautifully rich. We don’t always get to choose how life unfolds—sometimes it’s chaotic, sometimes it’s serene. As we navigate these waters, we might just find that balance is hiding beneath the surface, waiting to be discovered. And remember, if all else fails, remind yourself: balance is bullshit.
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In summary, while we may aspire to achieve balance in our lives, we must accept that the journey is often messy and unpredictable. The pursuit of balance can be a source of frustration, but embracing the chaos can lead to richer experiences and deeper connections.