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Why I Don’t Allow My Kids to Touch My Face
by Sarah Lane
Updated: April 12, 2023
Originally Published: May 1, 2015
I cherish the affection my kids show me; their touchy-feely nature truly warms my heart and lifts my spirits. It’s especially endearing when they gently stroke my face in moments of love and comfort. However, a few months ago, during a tough time, my 5-year-old approached me with genuine concern. She placed her tiny hand on my cheek and said, “It’s OK, Mama, I love you.” But as I leaned into her touch, a familiar and horrifying scent invaded my nose — the unmistakable odor of a child’s rear end.
What should have been a sweet bonding moment turned into a disaster, as I realized her hand was not quite as clean as I’d hoped. This incident marked a turning point for me. From that day forward, I swore to never again let my children’s affectionate hands anywhere near my face without a thorough hand-washing or at least a sniff test. Here are five reasons why:
- Potential for Poo
If your child is between the ages of 0 and 8, there’s a strong likelihood that there’s some form of excrement lurking on their hands. It could be hiding under a fingernail, ready to ruin your day. For the love of all that’s sacred, whatever you do, don’t pick at any dark spots beneath those nails and take a whiff. You’ll deeply regret it. - Boogers Galore
Nose-picking is a universal pastime, and kids take it to a whole new level of grossness. They don’t wash their hands unless prompted, and their nails often go untrimmed. When you allow little Emily to lovingly touch your face, you could very well be getting a free treatment of mucus, whether you want it or not. - Exploration of Not-So-Private Parts
Kids are naturally curious, and self-exploration is part of that. However, if little Jake wants to give you a cheek squeeze, it’s wise to conduct a quick sniff test first. If he’s been exploring, you can bet those hands have been in places that leave a lasting impression—none of them pleasant. - Food Residue
It might not seem too terrible at first, but a quick visit to any Kindergarten classroom will quickly change your perspective. I’ve seen little hands that have been in everything from peanut butter to pickles. Trust me, you don’t want remnants of greasy lunch meat smeared across your cheeks or yogurt that has dried into a mix of sweet and sour odors. - Mystery Juices
Kids have a knack for finding the grossest things outside, whether it’s worm slime or something worse. My 5-year-old has a talent for cradling anything slimy or decomposing. I can’t risk the unknown substances lingering on those tiny hands, so until they’ve been thoroughly washed, I say no to face contact.
I hope this serves as a wake-up call for all the unsuspecting adults who love to snuggle with their little ones. Sure, many will argue their kids are cleaner than mine, but the truth is that snot and boogers know no bounds. If you’d like to avoid the risks of a game of Russian Roulette with your child’s hands, remember to wash and sniff as needed. Never trust the hands of a child without caution.
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In summary, while I adore my kids’ affection, I’ve learned the hard way to keep their hands away from my face unless I’m certain they’re clean. It’s simply not worth the risk!
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