When my children were little, I was part of a vibrant group of six to eight moms who met weekly at Sarah’s home. Each Monday morning, we gathered with our kids—babies in our arms and toddlers just beginning to walk, while the older kids, who were homeschooled, dashed around, teaching the toddlers how to navigate baby gates.
We always brought snacks, and the most popular offering was a tray of chicken nuggets. We indulged in cake, cheese, and sweet tea while sharing stories of motherhood. Sarah even helped one mom learn to nurse while lying down, allowing her to catch some much-needed sleep. Together, we shared tips on baby-wearing and co-sleeping, and we took turns nursing each other’s little ones. This was a genuine mom tribe, a supportive circle of friendship.
However, everything changed when Sarah moved away. I once participated in a local babywearing group, but as my interest waned and my five-year-old son faced challenges during meetings, I distanced myself. It was a difficult decision, especially since we had supported one another through the loss of one member’s daughter. But when the negativity began to seep into our conversations via multiple Facebook threads, I knew it was time to step back.
Now, I find myself without a mom tribe, and it truly feels lonely. While I have several mom friends—one who enjoys kayaking, another who shares a passion for writing, and one who keeps me laughing—none of them form a close-knit community. I have a few homeschooling acquaintances, but they often seem too preoccupied with their own busy schedules to connect meaningfully. With a group of sweet moms in one co-op, I sometimes feel that their kindness stems from a desire to see the best in me, rather than from shared interests.
In the past year and a half, three of my closest mom friends have relocated. The last one, Jess, recently moved to Ohio, leaving me with only one friend who can still meet me for spontaneous outings to Target. We used to go shopping together, not just for necessities but as a fun escape. Now, I find myself navigating the aisles alone with my kids, which has become a much more stressful experience. I miss the random finds that once made shopping enjoyable and the coffee breaks at Starbucks. My kids are less interested in clearance deals than I am.
More importantly, I find it challenging to find reliable babysitters. Previously, I had three trustworthy friends who would help watch my kids, but now that my close mom friends have moved, I hesitate to ask the homeschooling moms for favors, knowing it could disrupt their routines. I have some friends I trust with my oldest, but I’m still hesitant about leaving my youngest with them. Scheduling my own doctor appointments has turned into a nightmare. I have to coordinate them around my husband’s work schedule, and I still haven’t managed to see a specialist for my eye issue. Finding time for self-care, like getting my nails done, feels impossible.
What I miss most is the advice and support that come from being part of a mom tribe. A group of moms, especially those with older children, can help gauge what’s “normal” behavior for different ages. Is it typical for a six-year-old to have frequent tantrums? When should I transition my three-year-old out of diapers? I long for someone to reassure me that it’s okay if my five-year-old hasn’t mastered his letters yet or if my six-year-old can’t tie his shoes. Likewise, I appreciate hearing the good things about my kids, like their kindness and progress.
While the internet offers some solace, providing a supportive online community where we cheer each other on, it can’t replace in-person connections. Virtual friendships lack the playdates and shared moments that deepen bonds.
Creating a mom tribe isn’t a straightforward task; it either materializes or it doesn’t. For now, I’ll continue to be friendly and avoid drama, hoping that a new circle of friends will form around me naturally. Whether it’s through formula feeding, co-sleeping, or various educational choices, I’m open to embracing any mom who can join me at Target.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and building connections, you might want to check out this blog post on home insemination. Additionally, for those interested in fertility options, Make a Mom is a great resource. And for more information on assisted reproductive technology, the CDC provides excellent guidelines.
In summary, having mom friends is great, but it’s the mom tribes that offer the deep support and understanding that many of us crave. The journey of parenthood is challenging enough without feeling isolated.