Updated: Dec. 20, 2015 | Originally Published: May 1, 2015
There’s a certain frustration that comes with hearing the words, “Just do it right.” I remember vividly how I’d half-heartedly sweep a few crumbs, but mostly just leave the mess behind, eager to return to my favorite show. My dad had to keep coming back, and I figured if I made him work for it long enough, he would eventually surrender and handle it himself. But he didn’t. He insisted I finish the task, ensuring it was done properly before I could escape.
Now that I have my own 8-year-old, I recognize the same impatience and lack of motivation in him. He has that familiar urge to abandon chores for the allure of cartoons, and I can see the exaggerated way he sweeps, as if to say, “Look at me, I’m working.” Yes, it turns out you can sweep with sarcasm, especially when you’re a child who’d rather be doing anything else.
I’m convinced there’s a formula here: the frequency with which parents say, “Do a good job,” seems to be inversely related to the quality of work produced. In simple terms, the more you nag, the less likely your child is to put in genuine effort. I remember my dad trying to instill the value of hard work, only for me to realize what he was doing. The more he emphasized it, the more I resisted. My goal was simple: to do the bare minimum and make him regret asking me to do chores in the first place. I thought, “I can outlast you,” but in the end, he always prevailed. His mantra? “If you want to do this all day, then that’s what we’ll do.”
When did my mindset shift? I’m not entirely sure. Somewhere in middle school, perhaps? I hate to admit it, but it might have taken even longer. Over time, I discovered the joy of looking back at my efforts and feeling a sense of pride in my accomplishments. I began tackling chores with enthusiasm, completing my homework diligently, and actively seeking out tasks around the house.
Now, I’m attempting to cultivate that same sense of pride in my son. Occasionally, I see glimmers of success—like when he leaves a space tidier than he found it without prompting. I can’t help but celebrate those moments, calling my partner in to witness his achievements and even sharing my excitement with friends.
However, for the most part, he remains in the “slacker” zone when it comes to chores. I’ve made a conscious effort not to be overly nagging, opting for a calm, straightforward approach by simply saying, “You’re not done yet.” Perhaps if I keep it less confrontational, he’ll come around.
It seems like a rite of passage for fathers and sons to experience these clashes. I’ve compared notes with other dads, and we all agree that having a coach or teacher help with tasks is often far more effective. Ironically, it’s usually the same lessons I’ve tried to impart, but my son’s eye-roll suggests he’s not interested in my wisdom.
I knew this stage was inevitable—the moment when I start to lose my authority. His stubbornness far exceeds what I ever had. But my approach won’t waver; I’ll remain steadfast, ready to guide him until he gets it right. After all, I’ve got a bowl of popcorn at the ready.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, a parent shares their journey from procrastination to finding pride in completing tasks. Drawing parallels with their own child, they explore the challenges of instilling a strong work ethic, while acknowledging the generational clashes that often occur. The narrative highlights the importance of patience, understanding, and support in the parenting journey.
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