Scrolling through social media, I stumbled upon the epitome of nursery perfection. It was adorned in shades of beige, soft white, and a gentle blush pink, complete with pastel bunting draped over the window. A plush rocking chair nestled beside a crib that matched the decor seamlessly—clearly, this space had been curated straight from the pages of Pinterest. I paused, chuckled at the new parents and their creative endeavors, and then felt a wave of jealousy wash over me.
They had a crib. We didn’t. Our plan was always to have our baby co-sleep with us, so we set up a co-sleeper next to our well-worn queen-sized bed, which was far from Pinterest-worthy. The chaos of our cluttered room, filled with clothes and other remnants of life, was a far cry from the idyllic baby spaces I saw online.
We were committed to cloth diapering, so there was no elaborate diaper cake at our baby shower—if you could even call it that, since we lived hours away from family and our friends were mostly struggling graduate students. We did repurpose an old Ethan Allen wet bar into a changing table; functional, yes, but adorable? Not quite. Our mismatched items were thrown together in a yellow room that we didn’t bother to repaint, alongside a dresser from a late relative and some whimsical Dr. Seuss decals.
I know we made choices that suited us. I’m not someone who thrives on Pinterest aesthetics, and the thought of spending money on a nursery set, complete with blankets and bumpers, felt excessive. Yet, there’s a part of me that mourns the absence of a picture-perfect pregnancy and an equally flawless babyhood for my child. That envy bubbles up whenever I see those immaculate nurseries; diaper cakes make me want to cringe.
My own pregnancy wasn’t glamorous. I dealt with morning sickness and, unfortunately, prenatal depression and anxiety, which had me grappling with panic attacks over sweet tea from a fast-food restaurant. Amidst the chaos, with a midwife urging me to manage my blood sugar, the so-called “pregnancy glow” was a distant fantasy.
I can’t be the only one feeling this way. A quick search for “percentage of people who dislike being pregnant” reveals a plethora of articles discussing the topic, from why women should openly share their struggles to tips for coping with the unpleasantries. The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists notes that between 14-23% of women experience some form of depression during pregnancy. That’s a significant number of women who aren’t exactly in the mood to design a Pinterest-perfect nursery or be the center of attention at a baby shower.
With the passing of time and treatment, many find themselves holding a newborn, ready to embrace the journey of parenthood. As I browse through the curated nurseries online, I can’t help but wonder why I didn’t create something similar. The radiant smiles of those expectant mothers serve as a constant reminder of what I missed out on. While I know that real life isn’t filtered through social media, and that pristine rooms will inevitably face the trials of parenthood—spills, messes, and sleepless nights—I can’t shake the feeling that those perfect designs symbolize a dream that felt just out of reach.
Some parents are blessed with those idyllic moments, while others are left longing for them. It’s okay to feel that envy, even when it’s accompanied by feelings of discomfort and sadness. Remember, those feelings reflect your own journey, not the flawless nurseries that grace our feeds.
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In conclusion, while the journey to parenthood can be filled with contrasting experiences, it’s important to acknowledge and validate our feelings. Embracing both the beautiful and the challenging can lead to a deeper understanding of our own paths.