As a medical professional, I must say, I understand your struggle. You seem to exist in this perplexing realm between straight and curly, and while I empathize, I’d like to suggest it’s high time for you to decide. Seriously, either embrace the sleek or the curly, or I’d be more than happy to settle for those effortlessly loose beach waves that everyone fawns over.
I appreciate the uniqueness you bring to my life, but I would prefer less chaos, especially in the hair department. I acknowledge my previous hair crimes — dyeing, teasing, and rough handling. It’s time to move past those mistakes and start anew. Lately, I’ve been treating you with more care, using all the organic oils available: coconut, Moroccan, avocado — yet you seem immune to their charms. Your flyaways remain defiant, breaking through any product I apply.
I’ve experimented with every styling tool imaginable, from straighteners to curling irons, and I’ve tried every miracle lotion that promises results. The only miracle I’ve experienced is the extra three minutes of hot water, contemplating how I’d waltz through Target with hair that flows like a dream, only for reality to hit me as you revert to your unruly state the moment I step outside.
You are capable of looking stunning, as evidenced by those rare moments after a professional blowout, when my hair feels silky and smooth — for all of five minutes. Then, it’s back to its traffic cone-shaped Brillo pad persona, seemingly immune to the weather. I know it’s futile to hope for cooperation on misty, rainy, or humid days, yet here I am, persistently trying.
Oh, and the finger-combing technique? It doesn’t work. It leaves me looking like I just partied all night when I’m really just trying to tame you. If only I could swim without emerging like a Muppet, hair slicked back in sheer chaos. I always pack a hair tie just in case, because without it, we are headed home — no questions asked.
I’ve tried everything from oversized rollers to dry shampoo and even pomade, but the moments when you look your best often coincide with times I’m stuck at home, unobserved. Last week, while I was sick on the couch, you looked fantastic. How I wish you could channel that energy for a night out or even a quick trip to the grocery store.
The burns on my neck from my salon-grade curling wand remind me that beauty can be painful. My overpriced hair dryer, set to cool and equipped with a massive diffuser, seems completely ineffective against your wild ways. I’m gentle, yet you remain unyielding.
Honestly, I’m running out of patience. You’re a lot of work, but I feel compelled to keep trying. Please, I implore you, calm down. You’re not meant to be this chaotic — I promise there’s beauty in simplicity. Are you just reflecting the chaos of my life? Every glance in the mirror serves as a reminder of the whirlwind around me, and I’d appreciate a little less madness, especially when I’m trying to appear put together.
Until the “I just touched an electric fence” look becomes trendy, which I doubt will happen anytime soon, let’s work together.
Sincerely,
Dr. Emma With the Wild Hair
Additional Resources
For more insights on home insemination and fertility, check out this resource on our blog, or learn more about the process at Make a Mom. If you’re looking for excellent information on treating infertility, I recommend visiting ACOG.
In summary, dealing with hair that won’t cooperate can be as challenging as navigating the complex world of home insemination. It requires patience, the right tools, and sometimes a little outside help to find the right balance of care.