As a physician, I often find myself surrounded by patients who are navigating the complexities of emotional connections, but I must confess: I am not particularly skilled at giving gifts. I’m not expressing false humility; I genuinely struggle with it. There’s a fundamental disconnect in my ability to choose meaningful presents, and it’s something that has plagued me for as long as I can remember.
If you are at all familiar with the concept of the 5 Love Languages, you’ll know that “gift giving” is one of them. I recently took the assessment and discovered that my primary love language is “acts of service,” followed closely by “quality time.” Gift giving? It ranked at the very bottom, almost as if I received no points at all. The truth is, I don’t place much significance on receiving gifts, nor do I express my affection through them.
This lack of gifting instinct becomes painfully clear when I find myself invited to celebrations. Often, I don’t even consider what to give until the day before or even the morning of the event. It’s not that I don’t care about the person; I absolutely do! My thoughts are filled with all the wonderful reasons I appreciate them, but somehow, the idea of a gift doesn’t find its way into my mind.
I am generous in other ways; I’ll gladly help you with errands, write heartfelt notes, or offer my support in various forms. I genuinely enjoy making people’s lives easier. However, when it comes to gifts, I hit a brick wall.
My close friends and family have accepted my shortcomings, which is a relief. Yet, the reality is that there are still occasions where gift giving is expected, and I often feel lost. I can’t seem to grasp the etiquette surrounding hostess gifts, or the need for holiday presents for coworkers and teachers. The holiday season, in particular, feels like a minefield for those of us who struggle with gift giving. Birthdays and anniversaries are not far behind in terms of stress.
Fortunately, I married someone who shares my gifting dilemmas. My husband and I have developed a system where we mutually agree on practical purchases, like a high-speed blender we’ve been eyeing, and simply label it as a birthday or anniversary gift. We’re both completely content with this arrangement. I honestly can’t recall the last time either of us received a surprise gift, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
This quirk of mine likely stems from a desire for simplicity. I often hesitate to give gifts that may not be truly needed or that will eventually become clutter. When I do give something, it tends to be transient, like flowers or candy, but even those come with their own set of worries. Will the flowers wilt? Will the candy tempt someone’s self-discipline? I overthink everything.
To those who excel at gift giving, I admire your enthusiasm. I love how you can express your affection in such tangible ways. I only hope that my thoughtfulness, which comes through my actions and words, is recognized for what it is.
For my fellow gift-giving challenged individuals, you’re not alone during this busy season. Remember to take a breather and don’t be too hard on yourselves. You have other strengths to offer, just like I do.
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Summary:
In this reflection, Dr. Emily Carter shares her struggles with gift giving, a challenge that often leaves her feeling overwhelmed. Despite being generous in other aspects of her life, she feels disconnected from the tradition of presenting gifts. With humor and honesty, she highlights the comfort of being married to someone who shares her sentiments, emphasizing that thoughtful actions often hold more significance than material gifts.