A popular quote from writer Doug Larson circulating on social media states, “More relationships might endure if partners realized that better days often follow the tough times.” While it’s a clever twist on the idea of commitment, many couples—whether newlyweds or seasoned partners—might overlook this concept.
As my spouse and I approach our 12th anniversary, I wouldn’t say our marriage has been tumultuous; rather, it has been a journey of growth and adaptation. Over the years, we’ve discovered that living together is an ongoing learning experience, and honestly, that can be a daunting aspect of marriage.
Consider this: we have both changed significantly since our wedding day. Our aspirations have evolved, we’ve welcomed children into our lives, and we’ve gained wisdom through our experiences. Initially, I thought my partner would remain the same over two decades, but she has transformed, just as I have. Navigating the complexities of a continually evolving relationship is an essential part of marriage that brings its own set of challenges.
Our disagreements have reduced over the years, but they still occur. In those early days, we clashed over everything—finances, household chores, even the orientation of the toilet paper roll! As humorous as it sounds now, it was frustrating back then. I often felt like I was negotiating with my spouse through a closed bathroom door, and I can recall nights spent simmering in silence, our backs turned to each other, with a noticeable distance between us.
The arrival of our first child nine years ago brought its own set of tribulations. We often found ourselves arguing in the dead of night, exhausted, and both wanting to share the responsibility of a crying infant. At that time, my partner was managing a full-time job while I juggled both work and college classes. It was hard to see that even while both of us were doing what was necessary, the situation was still challenging—sometimes even overwhelming.
Despite the tough moments, one truth remains clear: the better days often follow the difficult ones. For my partner and me, every obstacle, argument, and sleepless night has led to improved understanding and cooperation. We’ve engaged in discussions—some rational, others less so—until we reached a better way of coexisting. While compromises may not always leave us both feeling completely content, they are sufficient for us to move forward.
In marriage, the essence lies in collaboration. It’s about resolving conflicts and waking up the next day with a clear mind to discuss how to improve our relationship. It means sitting down together and truly listening to one another, understanding each other’s struggles, and loving each other enough to make necessary adjustments for our family’s well-being.
Marriage requires effort. It’s about pushing through the tough times to reach the joyful ones. I can confidently say that marriage has been the most challenging yet rewarding experience of my life. When navigating difficult moments with someone you love, take a moment to appreciate their presence. They are right there with you, and that connection is invaluable.
I’ve witnessed my partner through various challenges—whether it was managing sleepless nights with a newborn, completing her degree while working, or standing up for herself during disagreements. I’ve admired her tenacity and resilience, just as she has recognized my efforts in providing for our family and supporting our children.
Throughout these years, we have changed physically and emotionally. We’ve learned which battles to fight, how to communicate our irritations effectively, and how to prioritize our arguments. Now, as we celebrate 12 years together, I feel we’ve reached a comfortable phase where better days are more frequent, though there may still be challenges ahead. I’ve grown less anxious about those future hurdles, and I believe many couples can relate to this evolution.
If you find yourself in a difficult spot, remember that brighter days are often just around the corner. It requires hard work, compromise, change, and mutual admiration, but it is possible. The better indeed comes after the worse.
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In summary, marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, but through commitment and understanding, couples can navigate the complexities to find joy and fulfillment together.