Category: Parenting
By: Jessica Harper
Updated: August 22, 2023
Originally Published: April 30, 2023
I always imagined my parents would be around forever—don’t we all believe that? My parents were quite young when they had me, and they expected to be youthful grandparents just like their own parents were. By the time they turned 26, they had four children, a stark contrast to my own experience. I met my partner at 32, and after some blissful years of spontaneity and romance, we didn’t welcome our first child until I was 37.
It seems we’re not alone in this trend. Time Magazine introduced the concept of the “grandparent deficit,” highlighting how many children today lack young grandparents who can actively participate in their lives, whether through babysitting or simply keeping up with their energy levels. I fondly remember my great-grandmother playing tennis! My grandmother, who celebrated her 95th birthday last year, was just 47 when I was born, and I was already her fourth grandchild. Our bond is unique; I feel comfortable discussing anything with her. Thanks to her life choices, she created a large family with enough kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids to form a small army. She inspires me, but I realize I won’t have that same opportunity to build my own family unit since I had my first child at 37 and my second at 41.
The reality of this grandparent deficit is indeed disheartening. My own grandparents were immensely devoted and eager to spend time with us. They had a friendly rivalry, which meant we enjoyed countless weekends filled with fun. Some of my most cherished memories with my grandmother, who passed away during my college years, took place in her cozy living room where she invented games for us or spun tales about fictional characters to keep us entertained during bath time. There’s a level of intimacy that comes from having a grandparent with a significant age gap—something my children won’t experience.
As a teenager, I would take the subway to catch movies with my grandmother, sharing secrets I wouldn’t tell anyone else. My friends even wanted to join us! Fast forward to today, my kids are 11 and 7, and my father is 72, still the most vibrant and active person I know. I lost my mother to cancer a few years back, and while my kids had some time with her, they won’t have the teenage friendships I cherished, which saddens me deeply.
However, I believe there’s not much we can do about this situation. Nowadays, people marry for love and companionship rather than just to escape their parents’ homes. My parents married at 20, but their priorities changed as they matured, leading to their separation after 11 years. Encouraging others to have children earlier isn’t a feasible solution, as it’s not a problem that can be simply solved. Our best course of action is to foster as much interaction as possible between our children and their grandparents. When my kids have a day off from school, my dad is usually my first call. My in-laws are also a regular presence on weekends. Now that my son has a cell phone, he texts his grandparents, nurturing a direct relationship that doesn’t have to filter through us.
My dad remains a superhero in my eyes, still more energetic than most people I know. I’m optimistic that these special bonds can continue to grow. My grandmother, with 16 great-grandchildren, is also a wonderful presence in my kids’ lives. I can only hope that my children choose to start their families earlier, allowing me to enjoy my own grandchildren.
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Summary
The trend of delaying parenthood may be creating a “grandparent deficit,” impacting children’s relationships with their grandparents. With parents marrying later and starting families at an older age, many kids miss out on the vibrant, active interactions that younger grandparents can provide. While we can’t change the past, fostering connections between our children and their grandparents remains essential.
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