As we enter November, we’re once again inundated with messages about gratitude, from various media outlets to well-known figures encouraging us to appreciate what we have. Especially for mothers, who are often depicted as the epitome of gratefulness, it can feel like there’s an obligation to express thankfulness for our beautiful children and the joy they bring. Many of us have faced significant challenges, like fertility treatments or adoption processes, to welcome these little ones into our lives. So, shouldn’t we feel overwhelmingly grateful?
However, as a physician specializing in maternal mental health, I’ve noticed a troubling trend surrounding the concept of gratitude. While numerous studies indicate that gratitude correlates with happiness and satisfaction, the pressure to feel thankful can, in fact, lead to negative feelings for many mothers.
Let me elaborate. In my practice, I encounter mothers who have every reason to be thankful yet still experience high levels of stress, anxiety, or depression. They often express frustration during the Thanksgiving season, feeling that they should be grateful but instead are burdened by unhappiness. This disconnect can result in guilt, leaving them wondering why they can’t simply appreciate their lives more fully.
On the flip side, I also meet mothers struggling to identify reasons for gratitude. The gratitude movement often suggests we appreciate basic necessities like clean air and water, and while these are indeed vital, they do little to comfort someone grappling with loneliness or despair.
The societal expectation to express gratitude can feel invalidating, akin to someone dismissively saying, “You have a roof over your head and food on the table, so stop complaining!” However, as we know from tragic cases like that of renowned comedian Mark Thompson, having an abundance of blessings does not shield anyone from mental health challenges.
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, we emphasize the importance of acknowledging and accepting negative emotions while also practicing self-compassion. During this season, I encourage mothers to recognize that it is entirely acceptable to feel both gratitude and sadness, or to simply struggle to find anything to be thankful for despite having many comforts in life.
I appreciate the emphasis on gratitude from figures like Oprah, but I believe these conversations should also include reminders such as:
- It’s normal to find it difficult to identify something to be grateful for.
- It’s okay to feel thankful for certain aspects of life while feeling discontent with others.
- It’s perfectly valid to have countless reasons for gratitude yet still experience unhappiness.
Now that’s a more relatable message for Thanksgiving.
For additional insights on motherhood, consider checking out one of our other blog posts at this link. For those interested in home insemination, this site provides valuable information. Also, if you’re exploring various options for conception, WebMD is an excellent resource for understanding treatments.
Summary
This article addresses the societal pressure on mothers to feel and express gratitude, highlighting that this expectation can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy for those struggling with mental health issues. It emphasizes the importance of accepting one’s emotions, whether positive or negative, and reassures readers that it’s okay to not always feel grateful, regardless of their circumstances.