November 3, 2023
Today marks the start of week four of my 2-year-old’s staunch refusal to sleep. Each night begins peacefully, but it isn’t long before he’s awake, screaming and crying. This usually sends me spiraling into my own fits of frustration and tears, a whirlwind of exhaustion that I never anticipated.
I now fully comprehend why sleep deprivation is a tactic in torture. My brain and body struggle to function under the weight of mere hours of interrupted sleep. Each time I am jolted awake by my child—who, despite being clearly exhausted, fights sleep tooth and nail—it demands an unyielding reservoir of patience that I am rapidly depleting. I can’t say I’m particularly fond of this new lesson in endurance.
Over these four weeks, I’ve come to realize that when I’m tired, I become an emotional wreck. The combination of parenting a toddler and being nearly six months pregnant has turned me into a version of myself I hardly recognize. The feeling of helplessness when I can’t soothe my son transforms into a profound sense of hopelessness as I repeatedly attempt to console him to no avail.
Before entering motherhood, I thought I had a solid grasp of what to expect. I had babysat numerous children and even cared for my teenage niece for a year after her father’s passing. I assumed that dealing with teenage hormones and drama would be the most challenging phase. Little did I know, nothing could compare to the sleepless nights, daily negotiations over dinner options (as a first-time parent, I’m still figuring out how to get my child to eat what I prepare), the endless cleanup of toys, and the daunting journey of potty training.
I’ve shed more tears into my coffee cup and kitchen cabinets than I care to admit after yet another failed attempt to get my child to dress himself, eat, or tidy up. I’ve swapped reasoning for bartering (you can watch your favorite show after breakfast) with little success. We’ve experimented with co-sleeping, sleep training, blackout curtains, essential oils, and an array of other trendy advice I’ve stumbled upon during sleepless nights. Each time we find a solution that works momentarily, it’s soon overshadowed by my emotional despair.
Parenting is incredibly challenging—like, really challenging—especially when you’re sleep-deprived. I usually pride myself on my optimistic outlook on life, but lately, I feel like each day drains a bit more of my energy, leaving me as a blubbering mess. Frustration and anger surface often, and I find myself feeling as childish as the toddler I’m trying to raise. Remaining calm, patient, and loving is as tough as the parenting journey itself.
I thought I had learned to manage my emotions through years of adult experiences, even dealing with grown men who needed babysitting. But this is different. The constant testing of wills, boundary pushing, and the inability to communicate needs leave me guessing about my child’s current favorites and whims.
Emotional exhaustion manifests in various forms—tears, pleading, mismatched shoes, cold leftovers from the fridge, and a reliance on caffeine and uneaten snacks. The disheveled appearance I often present explains why some people look at me with concern; I can’t recall the last time I had a proper shower without interruption.
Yet, there are bright spots. I cherish the sloppy kisses and hugs that greet me in the morning, along with my little one’s declarations of love. It’s difficult to see how the struggles are worthwhile, but when I catch a glimpse of my child’s imagination or those pleading eyes asking for just five more minutes together, I remember why it’s all worth it.
I have a built-in comedian who follows me everywhere, providing laughter and reminding me of the incredible journey I’ve embarked upon. Even though we’re still in the early stages of parenting, I know tougher times lie ahead. However, the joy of seeing my child’s face light up when I come home makes the emotional exhaustion bearable.
To my fellow weary parents, you’re doing your best—keep pushing forward. Remember, “All you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is enough.”
Love,
One exhausted mom
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting, especially during sleepless nights with a toddler, can leave one feeling emotionally drained. As exhaustion sets in, maintaining patience becomes increasingly difficult. Despite these trials, the love and joy children bring can make the struggles worthwhile. Fellow parents are reminded that they are doing their best, and it’s essential to embrace the journey with all its ups and downs.