I stumbled upon a post on social media that left me feeling unsettled. It was from an acquaintance, someone who had taken to motivational speaking and running marathons. I should have anticipated it, but it still caught me off guard. He announced the name of their newborn and proclaimed, “[Wife] absolutely crushed it!” alongside a photo of the local birthing center, which is known for its med-free, serene environment. The follow-up picture showed his wife, perfectly made up, and the baby dressed in adorable ruffles, captioned “About an hour later!”
A wave of frustration washed over me, prompting an immediate response: “Congrats! Can’t believe she had time for makeup and a dressed baby just an hour post-birth!” His reply was, “This pic was more like 90 minutes.”
We all know social media tends to showcase an idealized version of life, and that polished image with ruffles and makeup doesn’t tell the full story. It took me a moment to pinpoint my irritation. Dress your baby in fancy white lace an hour after birth? Go ahead. But what bothered me was the term “crushed,” especially in the context of a natural birth. You don’t “crush” childbirth; it isn’t a competition to conquer.
Using the word “crushed” implies victory over an opponent. Birth is not a battle to be won; it is a natural process that should not be framed as something to defeat. If you “crushed” a natural birth, does that mean you somehow avoided the pain, fear, or complications that can arise?
Sure, I’m confident my friend’s wife handled her natural birth magnificently. But what if she had requested an epidural or found herself overwhelmed? These are common reactions during childbirth. It’s essential to recognize that labor can be excruciating. If we label one birth as victorious, it implies that other types—those that involve medication, C-sections, or complications—are diminished somehow. This competitive narrative suggests that if you didn’t meet a certain standard, you somehow “lost.”
In reality, the only true victory in childbirth is bringing a healthy baby into the world. And even in cases where complications arise, the journey of pregnancy and birth is a testament to strength and resilience.
The language we use around childbirth matters. When we say someone “rocked” their birth or had a magical experience, we celebrate their journey without setting up comparisons. Words like “crushed” only create divisions and perpetuate the so-called “mommy wars.”
Consider the myriad experiences of childbirth: a mother whose baby requires intensive care in the NICU, another who endures an induced labor due to health issues, or someone who birthed at home but experienced significant pain. Did they “crush” birth?
Let’s reflect on my journey. I transferred from a birth center to the hospital due to what was perceived as pain. My midwife suggested I could handle it, but the reality was that I was too weak and dehydrated to continue. At the hospital, I received an epidural and finally found some relief after two days of labor. I pushed for three hours, ultimately delivering a healthy baby boy—an experience that was both harrowing and awe-inspiring. Did I “crush” birth? I refuse to view my experience as inferior to anyone else’s.
We all traverse the challenging path of labor, emerging battered yet triumphant. When we treat birth as a competition, we diminish the experiences of all mothers. The key is to change our language. Let’s celebrate each birth journey as unique and valid, regardless of how it unfolds. You don’t earn a medal for choosing not to use medication; you simply bring a new life into the world.
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In summary, the narrative surrounding childbirth should focus on the experience rather than competition. Every woman’s journey is unique and valuable, regardless of the circumstances.