From the moment a baby enters the world, after ensuring all fingers, toes, and overall health are in check, the hope that every mother holds is for her little one to be a good sleeper. Soon, ideally. Not necessarily the first night or during those chaotic early weeks, but as quickly as possible. Sleep is vital for maintaining sanity and functioning in daily life, and no mom should feel guilty for wishing for it.
I vividly remember my own experience. My first child, Emma, started off as a decent sleeper, managing to sleep through the night by six weeks. However, as her growth began to plateau, I found myself waking her up every two hours to feed her. Consequently, she learned to be a not-so-great sleeper—thanks to me. Even after I no longer needed to wake her, she kept up the habit. If I didn’t respond immediately to her cries, she would scream until she vomited. It was a challenging two years!
If you suspect your baby might be on the same path to sleeplessness, here are the five stages of grief that every mom might encounter upon realizing her baby is a poor sleeper. Which stage are you currently experiencing?
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Denial
This stage often kicks in after the initial weeks postpartum. Denial can be a lengthy process, as it serves as a coping mechanism. You might think, “It has to get better eventually, right? Others say it does!” You come up with numerous justifications: Perhaps your baby is just hungry, or maybe it’s a temporary sleep regression. The reality may be a bit more complicated, but who wants to face that just yet? -
Anger
This phase can strike anywhere from a few weeks to around six months of age. The moment you realize you’re in for a long haul can be infuriating. You might find yourself resenting other parents who boast about their babies sleeping through the night at six weeks. The frustration builds when your own parents struggle to understand why their grandchild isn’t sleeping like you did. You might even feel like throwing that sleep training book across the room. -
Bargaining
At this point, you might consider hiring a sleep consultant or giving in to the idea of sleep training methods suggested by well-meaning friends. You might even find yourself bringing your baby into your bed, thinking, “It’s just temporary until we get through this rough patch!” Spoiler alert: it rarely is. -
Depression
Around the five to six-month mark, the realization hits that the amount of sleep you’re getting isn’t improving. This can lead to feelings of despair. You may feel trapped in a cycle of sleep regressions, illnesses, and teething, and the prospect of intimacy with your partner seems far-fetched. The situation feels hopeless, and you may wonder if it will ever change. -
Acceptance
Eventually, you reach a point of acceptance. You might start to rely on an extra cup of coffee to get through the day and find humor in dozing off during your favorite shows. You recognize that this phase isn’t permanent. In a few years, your baby could be sleeping soundly through thunderstorms in a tent. The future looks bright, and at least there’s always another cup of coffee waiting for you in the morning.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood often involves grappling with the reality of sleepless nights, moving through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, ultimately leading to a place of acceptance. With time, patience, and perhaps a little help from the right resources, things can and will get better.