In my 17 years of marriage, my husband Mark and I have tackled numerous home improvement projects together. For the most part, we’ve managed to stay on the same page—well, except for that one time we attempted to install crown molding. Let’s just say, that experience is best left unmentioned. We are avid fans of home improvement shows, and we often find ourselves narrating our shopping trips through the local hardware stores as if we were on camera. We can handle basic tasks like painting and using a laser level with skill.
However, when it came to adding an extension to our home, we decided it was wiser to hire professionals. After all, we wanted to ensure our marriage survived the experience.
When we shared our plans with friends who had undergone similar renovations, their expressions were a mix of concern and amusement. They exchanged knowing glances whenever we made naive statements like, “It’ll only take six weeks!” or “Our budget is well under control!” Just before we started, a friend who had survived multiple renovation nightmares looked me in the eye and said, “Good luck. Call me when you decide to leave Mark.” I laughed nervously, but deep down, I began to worry. Surely, it couldn’t be that bad?
Spoiler alert: It was worse than I imagined.
What we thought would be a six-week project dragged on for ten months, not including the four months of planning and a couple of months dealing with permit issues. After 16 months and a finished project, I gained valuable insights about managing both renovations and marital harmony. If you’re preparing for a significant home renovation, here are some tips you won’t want to miss.
1. Budget for Unexpected Costs
First things first: take a good look at your budget and then add a substantial cushion. Construction costs can escalate quickly, so it’s crucial to anticipate surprises. Home improvement stores often tempt you with upgrades that can quickly inflate your bills. Discuss with your partner beforehand where you can splurge and where to stick to the budget. This strategy will help ease tensions when disagreements arise over choices that are clearly out of your price range.
2. Communicate About Design Preferences Early On
One of the biggest surprises we faced was how often we disagreed over seemingly trivial decisions. We discovered that we each had strong opinions on everything from light fixtures to paint colors. To avoid future arguments, have a discussion about your design visions and preferences well before the renovation begins. This proactive approach will save you from later conflicts that could embarrass you in front of your neighbors.
3. Compromise is Key
During the renovation, I found myself stubbornly wanting to “win” design arguments. If Mark preferred beige, I would suggest eggshell. The truth is, it’s simply not worth it. The final outcome would look great regardless of minor details. If your spouse feels strongly about a particular choice, let them have it. After all, you can always joke about how they picked the less desirable wallpaper later on!
4. Understand the Challenges of Home Life During Renovations
Mark works outside of the home, while I work remotely. However, working from home turned chaotic during our renovation. With constant noise and disruptions, the one at home often bears the brunt of the stress. If you’re the one who gets to escape the mess, bring home small tokens of appreciation—like flowers or dinner—to acknowledge the chaos your partner has endured.
5. Remember the Sweet Reward
Think of the film The Money Pit, where a couple faces numerous disasters during their home renovation. The reality isn’t far off—at least not for the reasons you might think. Eventually, the dust settles, and the workers leave. You’ll find a moment of quiet where the arguments fade, and you can appreciate what you’ve built together. Just like the characters in the movie, you may realize that your partner’s quirks aren’t as irritating as they seemed in the midst of the chaos.
Renovating your home can be stressful and challenging, but it doesn’t have to ruin your marriage. Focus on moving past the disagreements and enjoy the fruits of your labor—unless, of course, your spouse chose that hideous wallpaper, in which case, the debate may continue indefinitely.
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Summary
Renovating your home can be a challenging endeavor that tests even the strongest marriages. By budgeting wisely, communicating openly, compromising on design choices, supporting each other through the chaos, and ultimately savoring the completed project, you can navigate this journey together without damaging your relationship.