Life is inherently unpredictable, and as a parent, I feel it’s crucial to convey to my children that fairness is not a guaranteed part of their journey. The concept of “fairness” often fuels sibling rivalries and endless debates over trivial matters. My heart sinks at the thought of them fixating on this notion, yet they seem to relish engaging in discussions about it.
“Why does he get more dessert than me? That’s not fair!”
“She’s hogging the iPad — totally unfair!”
“He’s having more fun than me right now, and that’s just not right!”
From treats to technology, my kids have developed an unrealistic belief that life operates on a level playing field. I can’t recall explicitly teaching them this idea. I’ve never said, “Children, everything in your lives will be equally distributed, so please inform us if we’re falling short.” I’m pretty sure that conversation never happened.
In an effort to raise compassionate and grounded individuals, we’re working diligently to teach them that the world doesn’t play by the rules of fairness. They won’t experience justice in school, at work, or in their personal relationships, and we want to ensure they’re equipped to navigate life’s challenges without feeling blindsided.
Here are ten realities they need to understand about life’s inherent unfairness:
- Hard work doesn’t guarantee success. They’ll witness peers who exert minimal effort reaping rewards while they struggle. This is a tough lesson, but it’s pivotal for growth.
- Losing happens. Sometimes they’ll put forth their best effort and still come up short. Learning to rise again is essential.
- Not everyone will like them. Regardless of their efforts, some individuals will simply not resonate with them. They must learn to accept this reality gracefully.
- Exclusion is part of life. They may desire to belong to a specific group and find themselves overlooked. It’s painful but a part of growing up.
- Unmerited opportunities exist. Jobs and positions may go to individuals who don’t deserve them. Life is often frustratingly unjust.
- Bullies may prevail. It’s disheartening, but we must equip them to handle such encounters and empower them to stand up for themselves.
- Illness can strike at inconvenient times. They will inevitably get sick during a much-anticipated vacation — it’s part of the human experience.
- Hearts will break. They’ll face disappointment from those unworthy of their affection, and it’s crucial they learn to heal.
- Failure is a part of success. They will experience repeated setbacks, which is an integral part of achieving their goals.
- Sibling inequalities exist. Yes, they might see their sibling enjoying more chocolate syrup on their ice cream, and that’s just how it goes.
We aim to prepare our children for life’s inevitable curveballs so that when unfairness strikes, they can confront it with resilience. Our goal is for them to face life’s challenges head-on, rather than relying on us to resolve every unfair situation.
For more insights into parenting and navigating life’s challenges, check out our other blog posts, including this one on home insemination. If you’re looking for authoritative resources, Make a Mom offers excellent tools, and UCSF’s Center provides invaluable support for those on the journey to parenthood.
In summary, teaching children about the unfairness of life is essential for their development. By preparing them for the inevitable hardships they’ll face, we can help them grow into understanding, resilient adults who are capable of navigating life’s obstacles.