In the realm of sexual education, opinions often fall into two polarized categories. On one side are the advocates of abstinence-only education, who believe that teaching young people about contraception encourages sexual activity, and therefore, they refrain from discussing safer sex practices. The opposing viewpoint consists of those who argue that teenagers will engage in sexual activity regardless of guidance, so they advocate for the distribution of condoms and sexual health supplies openly.
Both perspectives can ultimately hinder a child’s understanding of sexual health. As a parent, particularly one who homeschools, it is my responsibility to provide my children with comprehensive knowledge about sex. My husband and I believe in discussing every aspect of sexual health openly and frequently, ensuring our children are well-informed as they approach the age of inquiry.
I firmly support abstinence for various reasons, yet I find it essential to educate teenagers on the realities of sex, pregnancy, and disease prevention. This approach isn’t just about personal beliefs; it embodies a well-rounded education in health. It’s critical to present the facts about sex, regardless of one’s stance on sexual activity.
Using shame as a deterrent against sexual activity is an approach I cannot endorse. While I understand the rationale behind it, I believe there are more constructive methods. We want our children to postpone sexual activity for both health and ethical reasons, but not at the cost of making them feel ashamed of their sexual identity. It is possible to advocate for waiting without labeling sex as something negative or portraying virginity as the ultimate virtue.
Sex can be an incredible experience, which is precisely why we encourage our children to wait until the right moment. However, we also recognize the allure of sexual activity. As parents, it’s our duty to be realistic without assuming that all teenagers will engage in sexual intercourse. In fact, data from the CDC indicates that as of 2015, only 41% of high school students reported having had sexual intercourse—a figure that shows that not every teenager is engaging in sexual activity during these formative years.
If our children decide to engage in sex, it won’t stem from the belief that “everyone else is doing it”—because, statistically, they are not. The idea that all teenagers are having sex simply doesn’t resonate with reality.
We will be transparent with our children about the fact that while contraceptives can help mitigate risks, such as unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections, no method is foolproof. The truth is, engaging in sexual activity always carries some risk. I learned this lesson later in life, having faced unplanned pregnancies in our own family. The reality is that while sex can be enjoyable, it also entails significant risks.
At some point, we will discuss the emotional implications of sexual relationships with our children. Emotional investment is a crucial aspect of a fulfilling sexual experience, and we believe that sex should be a profound expression of intimacy between partners. Our encouragement will focus on waiting for a loving, committed relationship rather than treating sex as a casual encounter.
We understand that everyone has different beliefs regarding sex, with our faith teaching that sexual intimacy belongs within marriage. However, should our children stray from this belief, they will not face shame or judgment from us. We reject harmful analogies that diminish the significance of losing one’s virginity. Acknowledging their autonomy, we will prepare them to navigate their decisions with maturity, even if those choices differ from our own.
Responsibility for their sexual choices is paramount, and we will guide them in making informed decisions. This includes comprehensive education on how contraception works, the risks of sexually transmitted diseases, understanding consent, and navigating societal pressures.
Above all, we will emphasize that until they are prepared for the potential consequences and responsibilities that come with sexual activity, they are not yet ready. Even without moral considerations, abstaining is a logical and wise choice for teenagers. It is entirely possible to promote this mindset without resorting to shame.
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In summary, advocating for abstinence can be done respectfully and responsibly. Engaging in open and honest discussions about sexual health while promoting personal agency and responsibility can empower children to make informed choices.