Recently, there’s been a surge of conversation around the concept of playdates. Some parents, like Tom at DadOnDuty, argue that structured playdates are detracting from the spontaneity of childhood. They believe it’s too orchestrated, suggesting that children should be free to explore their surroundings without prearranged gatherings. The idea is to allow kids to bike to a friend’s house and engage in unplanned adventures, like discovering nature or playing outdoors.
However, my children are under 7 and lack the independence to ride bikes to friends’ houses. Additionally, we live in an area where no friends are nearby. While I’d love for them to enjoy spontaneous adventures, the reality is that finding a safe creek where they can play freely is quite the challenge. Most parents I know would be thrilled to let their kids poke around in nature; we just don’t have the ideal environments available.
This brings us to the modern playdate. It typically starts when my child expresses a desire to play with a friend. As a parent, I have a say in who comes over; if the friend is known for being too rough, I won’t arrange a playdate. Once I’ve connected with another parent and established a time, the planning begins. If it’s at our home, I find myself scrambling to tidy up the chaos of toys that has accumulated. I want to avoid embarrassment when the other parent arrives to a sea of scattered toys and an overwhelmed living room.
When the playdate finally happens, it’s a joyful experience. The kids enthusiastically greet each other and often retreat to the playroom, leaving the adults to enjoy some much-needed conversation. For me, this is a golden opportunity. As a homeschooling parent, my children have limited social interactions outside of structured activities. Even kids who attend traditional school often only have minimal social time during recess. Thus, playdates provide a valuable chance for my son to engage with friends of his choosing. He often asks when he will see a particular friend again, prompting me to reach out to another parent to schedule the next gathering.
While playdates usually occur at home—especially during the sweltering summer months—they have their pros and cons. For the visiting parent, it’s a break from their own household chaos. For the hosting parent, there’s the inevitable scrubbing and organizing in preparation, regardless of assurances that tidiness isn’t necessary. It’s just a rule of motherhood, and most of us can use an excuse to declutter anyway.
Once the kids arrive, there’s a shared bliss. They disappear into their imaginative worlds, while the adults can finally relax and catch up. Resist the urge to cling to the visiting parent; instead, pour some coffee or perhaps indulge in a glass of red wine, and engage in a delightful conversation about anything from music choices to parenting woes. You can even enjoy a shared moment watching a show like “Stranger Things” while the kids are occupied.
Playdates are not just beneficial for the children; they’re essential for moms as well. Taking away playdates would mean losing valuable time for social connection, and let’s face it, we all need that. It’s also a good idea for the visiting parent to encourage their child to help pick up before heading home. No need to disclose that the room was a mess to begin with—just embrace the shared chaos.
Ultimately, playdates are fantastic. They offer children the chance to bond and create memories while providing parents with the opportunity to escape their routines and connect with others. It’s a win-win situation.
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Summary:
Reviving playdates is essential for fostering social connections among children and providing parents with necessary adult interaction. While some may argue against structured gatherings, they play a crucial role in modern parenting, allowing children to bond and explore while giving moms a much-needed break.