Menu Parenting
By Dr. Amy Roberts
Date: September 19, 2023
For years, I found it difficult to allow myself to embrace the possibility of failure. I was constantly concerned about how others perceived me, and I feared being seen as a nonconformist. To be honest, there was a certain comfort in fitting in, especially since my older children easily met the societal expectations of success. They thrived academically and complied with every request I made of them.
However, after adopting four children, I came to a crucial realization: my relentless pursuit of achievement was detrimental to my children’s well-being. I finally recognized the importance of giving myself permission to say “no,” a decision that in turn liberated my children to experience the joys of childhood. As a parent, I began to reflect on the values and standards I imposed on them, realizing that no grade, test score, or measuring stick could truly define their worth.
This transformation began one evening, after I spent countless hours persuading my daughter to complete her homework. Watching her dissolve into tears made me confront the fact that this was my agenda, not hers. I questioned whether the homework truly benefitted her. As a former educator, I didn’t even support homework for young children. In that moment, I understood that I was prioritizing my perception of success over her happiness.
That epiphany led to a commitment to reclaim my children’s childhood. The very next day, I spoke with her teacher and decided we would not be participating in the homework portion of their grades. This decision prompted me to evaluate my parenting choices and ask myself some challenging questions about what childhood should look like. To convey these thoughts, I crafted a letter that I believe children today would want to share with their parents.