As a pediatrician and a parent, I can confidently say that there’s no definitive guidebook for navigating the intricate journey of parenthood. For the past twenty-five years, we’ve been creating our own narrative. This week, our eldest child took a significant step by marrying his childhood sweetheart, marking the start of a new chapter for our family.
Throughout this journey, we received various pieces of advice and had remarkable role models, yet we often found ourselves without a clear direction—much like trying to read a map upside-down in the dark! The only time we received an official check-up was when a nurse adjusted our infant’s car seat before we left the hospital. Years later, when our son told his daycare that he had spent the weekend in a cabinet, it was a mix-up that stemmed from our trip to a cabin in the woods. Thank you for the concern, but it was just a cabin!
Much of our parenting wisdom was acquired through experience. In the early days, I had supportive friends who were also new parents. We leaned on each other for guidance in a pre-Google world, which, in hindsight, might have been a blessing. We followed the evolving guidelines on safe sleeping positions, from tummy sleeping to back sleeping. With each new rule, it felt like we were part of a parenting experiment, constantly adapting and learning.
Our son developed at his own pace, speaking late but eventually finding his words, and grasping the art of biking and swimming a bit later than his peers. Yet, he got there in the end. If only I could reclaim the sleep lost worrying over his delays! Now, the real sleepless nights come from worrying about his teenage adventures and late-night outings.
When he expressed a desire to walk the two miles to kindergarten like some of his friends, we set off with his younger brother in a stroller—a less-than-ideal decision. I ended up carrying him on my back for the last stretch, urging him to cling tightly like a baby monkey. Lesson learned: “monkey-tight” is not an effective means of transport.
After our third child, we moved into a larger house and decided that the parents would take the biggest room while the boys would share the medium-sized one and their sister would occupy the smallest. However, our sons presented a compelling case for why they should have the larger space, citing their need for room to play. They made valid points, and we conceded.
Later, our 11-year-old son made a list of adults shorter than him who were allowed to sit in the front seat of the car—all to argue for his right to ride shotgun. Another solid argument!
Through all of this, we navigated tough questions with a mix of grace and honesty. When tragedy struck and a classmate passed away suddenly, he asked how such a thing could happen. I confessed that I didn’t have the answers but promised that it would be on my list for when I had coffee with God someday. A year later, when we had to tell our children about my cancer diagnosis, he asked point-blank if I would die. I answered truthfully, yes, but not from this. Those were hard lessons.
As life unfolded, many practical lessons emerged: don’t attempt to drive a minivan over a mountain of ball bearings, and you can wear your baseball uniform to a ceremony for a math award. Laughter with grandparents is priceless, and time spent at the beach or a ballpark is never wasted. Bonds between siblings are invaluable, and it’s essential to navigate challenges together, whether that means running arm-in-arm with your mom across the finish line of a charity race or sharing the joys of life.
Eventually, when he found the right partner down the street and began forging a life filled with shared experiences—like late-night talks in treehouses, watching movies to understand one another, and even embarking on college adventures together—it felt like everything fell into place. As his brother noted upon their engagement, “Zero people are surprised, and 100% of those who know you two are thrilled.” What a journey it’s been, even without a clear map!
Sometimes, you hold on tightly, and at other times, you gently let go.
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In summary, parenting is an unpredictable yet rewarding journey filled with lessons learned along the way. Each experience shapes both the parent and the child, creating a unique narrative that unfolds over time.