Growing up, I was taught that children should be seen and not heard. Disagreements were off-limits, and attending religious services every Sunday was mandatory. I remember being allowed to wear jeans to school only if they were brand new and wrinkle-free. At the young age of 10, I was labeled a conservative Republican without fully understanding what that entailed. My siblings and I simply complied with our parents’ expectations. Deep down, I vowed I would not replicate that parenting style with my own children. I thought, “This is ridiculous!”
When I reached junior high, my parents divorced, which shifted the atmosphere in our home. Suddenly, it felt like a weight had been lifted, and I could finally exhale. It was a transformative experience that I desperately needed.
As the most outspoken member of my family, I often felt a bit eccentric as a child (and still do). I can vividly recall moments in church where I considered standing on a pew to express my frustrations. I craved freedom and a sense of adventure. However, when I became a parent, I found myself unintentionally clinging to some of the rigidity I had experienced growing up, even though I had promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve always wanted my children to embrace their individuality and express their beliefs freely. Yet, I often found myself uptight in social settings, holding high expectations regarding their behavior and even their diets. Sometimes, I slipped into overparenting, veering toward an overly protective and strict approach that felt natural, despite having felt stifled by it as a child.
No one wants to be the parent of a child who misbehaves or learns something inappropriate. I also didn’t want to be so rigid that my kids missed out on simply being themselves. There were instances when I imposed rules that didn’t make sense. For example, on the way to a birthday party, when my son misbehaved, I told him he couldn’t have any cake. That was unfair to the kind parent who had graciously organized the event and provided treats.
Finding the right balance in parenting is challenging—something every parent I know continues to navigate. Sometimes, the way we were raised influences how we choose to raise our children. I’ve done both: imitating my parents and consciously deciding to do the opposite. It’s both unsettling and liberating to allow your kids to do things you weren’t permitted.
This summer, I decided to embrace more liberating moments. I started saying “yes” more often, easing up on my worries about trivial matters like allowing my kids to have soda or not obsessing over their room cleanliness. My son’s comment about my perfectionist tendencies struck a chord with me, and I realized I didn’t want them to grow up believing that perfection was the goal. Life is about making mistakes, learning, and growing from those experiences.
My parenting style had become overly controlling. I was fixated on minor details that ultimately didn’t matter. Whether or not the beds were made or if my kids slept in their clothes for convenience shouldn’t dictate their happiness. I found myself nagging incessantly, often to the point where I couldn’t stand listening to my own voice.
I’ve learned to step back. My kids don’t need micromanagement to thrive, and that doesn’t equate to poor parenting. They are unique individuals, not mere extensions of me. They deserve the freedom to express themselves, and yes, even to let out a belch in public without facing punishment, provided they say “excuse me.”
The old adage that children should be seen and not heard is outdated. I’ve come to understand that my parents were shaped by their upbringing, which is likely why they initially adopted a strict approach. Experiencing the impact of being too strict reminded me of how suffocating it felt, and I never want my children to feel that way. We will have our boundaries, but I don’t want them to fear expressing their opinions or confuse respectful dissent with disrespect.
I want my children to grow up respectful and capable adults, and I can achieve that while allowing them to be themselves. I’ve shifted my focus to fostering good values without being overly uptight, and the results have been positive for our family.
In conclusion, letting go of excessive control has made us all happier—especially me. If you’re struggling with similar challenges in your parenting journey, consider exploring resources like Medical News Today’s fertility section or our insightful guide on home insemination, which offers valuable information. Also, for those looking into practical options, check out Make a Mom’s artificial insemination kit for more on fertility.