You are not a bad person, but our relationship has changed.
When you decided to return to school, I supported you wholeheartedly. You had dreams of a better future, one that promised financial stability. We agreed that you would juggle working full-time while studying, while I took on the responsibility of caring for our young children, who were just 1 and a half and not yet 6 months old. During those early years, I was the one who comforted them through sickness, rocked them to sleep, played with them, and nurtured their growth. It was all me. Every single moment.
As your schooling progressed, I began to cultivate my independence. I learned how to manage our home and raise our kids without your involvement. I became self-reliant, and surprisingly, I discovered I could also generate income to support our family. Thank goodness I did, because without that, I often wonder where we would be now.
Years have passed since you graduated, and as I look around our life together, it feels as if nothing has changed. Our financial situation appears stagnant, and I find myself disillusioned. I can’t help but feel frustrated when you offer input on parenting, as I think to myself, “You weren’t here. You pursued your ambitions while I held down the fort, and now we’re drowning in debt.”
The truth is, I no longer feel I need you in the same way I once did. I could leave, but…
I can’t bring myself to do that to our children. Having experienced the aftermath of divorce firsthand, I know the emotional toll it takes. The sleepless nights filled with questions like “Was it my fault?” and the anxiety of navigating family events without a complete set of parents. I watched my mother struggle as a single parent, and those memories linger with me. I refuse to subject our children to that kind of pain.
They are blissfully unaware of the turmoil that brews beneath the surface. They haven’t witnessed our arguments or felt the strain of our relationship. I want them to have the gift of two loving parents, a picture of a functional family that I never had.
So, each day, I commit to forgiving both of us for our past mistakes. I strive to see you not just for who you’ve been, but for what we can become. I hold on to the hope that things will improve. I made vows before God and our loved ones, and I stand by them—not for my sake, but for the sake of our kids. I will ensure they never have to know that there was a time I considered leaving, but couldn’t bear to hurt them in the process.
For those exploring parenthood through alternative means, check out this blog post on intracervicalinsemination.com. If you’re interested in home insemination kits, Make a Mom is an authority on this topic, and this resource will provide valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while my commitment to our marriage is strong, the uncertainty of our relationship weighs heavily on me. I’m determined to focus on our children’s well-being and create a nurturing environment, regardless of the challenges we face.