A few months before my daughter arrived, I stepped away from my role as a pediatric nurse to assist my partner, Jake, in launching a local business. Unfortunately, circumstances led us to close that venture after just 18 months. As we planned our next move—which will take us quite far away—we decided to temporarily save money by living with my in-laws in their home.
Here are four of the most challenging aspects I’ve faced during this time:
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The Grandparent Spoiling Phenomenon
Grandparents simply adore their grandchildren, and a significant part of that affection often manifests in spoiling. Unlike parents, they have the luxury of skipping the more challenging aspects of discipline. While I appreciate their generosity, this tendency can disrupt the routines I’ve carefully established. My daughter, once a master at understanding when to stop asking for snacks, now trails anyone with food, thanks to her grandparents’ leniency. Their indulgences mean that bedtime, which was typically smooth, has become a battle of energy when Grandpa returns home to engage her in play. -
Judgment Over Parenting Choices
There’s an undeniable pressure that arises when older generations feel their methods are being critiqued. “Back in my day, we let the kids do XYZ, and they turned out fine.” While I appreciate their experiences, parenting practices evolve based on new research and guidelines. For instance, my in-laws often express disbelief when I insist on using a rear-facing car seat for safety, despite it being the law. It can feel like a daily struggle to explain these modern practices without making them feel diminished. -
Feeling Under Scrutiny
The reverse is also true; I often feel judged for my parenting decisions. When I request that my daughter not play with certain items, I find myself needing to justify my reasoning extensively. Although I appreciate their concern, it can be exhausting to feel like I have to defend every choice. What’s worse is when they express their opinions about me in private conversations with my partner, leaving me feeling disconnected and scrutinized without the chance for dialogue. -
The Endless Inquisition
Living with parents often means stepping back into a world of constant questioning. Even as adults, my partner and I find ourselves subjected to an interrogation every time we leave the house. What were we doing? Who were we with? And, perhaps most concerning, did the baby have a good day? This barrage of questions can wear down even the most patient person, especially when you’re already navigating the complexities of parenting.
Despite these challenges, there is a silver lining. The time my daughter spends with her grandparents is invaluable. They adore her and are eager to engage, allowing me moments of respite. Whether it’s playing games, reading, or even lending a hand with meals, their involvement provides me with a much-needed breather. Though I might not be ready to leave her alone with them just yet, knowing that they are there to support is a comfort.
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In summary, living with parents as an adult can be both rewarding and challenging. While the dynamics of parenting and grandparenting can lead to frustration, the love and support offered can provide much-needed relief.