As a physician and a parent, one of my go-to questions before allowing my child to visit a new friend’s home is: “Do you have a gun?” This inquiry typically finds its way into a text or email, nestled between casual updates about our kids or school activities. After a few pleasantries, I bluntly ask, “Do you have any firearms? If so, are they stored in a lockbox?” It feels a bit awkward, but I firmly believe it’s a necessary conversation.
Growing up, guns were not a part of my life, but my husband, Mark, had a different experience. His father served as a police officer, and I learned early on that not every gun owner prioritizes safe storage. It’s a reality that makes me uneasy, and I often find myself crafting and revising that email, trying to strike the right tone.
One time, a parent of a classmate—a teacher, no less—invited my child over for a playdate. I still asked, “Do you own a gun?” The chuckle I heard on the other end of the line suggested my question was unexpected. Later, when my child visited a police officer’s home, I could at least joke, “I ask this all the time!” The laughter that followed was a bit of a relief, but still, I pressed on about safe storage.
In our home, toy guns are absent. My kids have asked for Nerf blasters or water guns, and I explain that guns are not for play. I emphasize that they are primarily designed for serious purposes, and while some people may need them for hunting or work, they are absolutely not toys. I often point out that no one has ever used a toy to commit violence on the scale we see in the news today. “But Mom, we have pretend fireman hats and knights’ swords!” they say. To which I reply, “No one has ever gone into a school and harmed others with a fireman’s hose.” This usually brings the conversation to a close, as even children understand that distinction.
Interestingly, a new acquaintance from England found my inquiry quite amusing. She said it felt very American and shared it with friends back home. In her country, most police officers don’t carry firearms, which made the concept seem absurd. A Canadian friend echoed her sentiments, noting how foreign the discussion of guns feels in their culture. Yet, all parents I’ve asked have been forthcoming with their answers; even gun owners understand that kids and firearms should not mix.
Ironically, I’ve never been asked if I own guns, or what my own children will be doing during playdates. They might be chasing each other, climbing trees, or picking wild raspberries, but I genuinely believe in giving kids the freedom to explore while keeping them safe. Yet, I know I can’t shield them from every potential harm.
I could raise other concerns, like whether there are any sexual predators in a home, or if kids will be exposed to inappropriate media. Perhaps these questions go without saying, or maybe my inquiry about firearms serves as an icebreaker for discussing the myriad of ways we can protect our children’s well-being.
So, as I prepare for another playdate, I’ll say, “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. No allergies, here’s some sunscreen, and a loaf of banana bread. Oh, and do you have any firearms? If so, are they securely stored?” It’s essential to set boundaries, and for me, that boundary is drawn here.
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Summary:
Navigating the question of firearm safety before playdates is an important part of parenting for many. As a doctor and parent, I prioritize asking about guns in the home to ensure my child’s safety, while also discussing the broader implications of gun ownership. This conversation not only serves as a protective measure but also opens up discussions about the responsibilities of parenthood.