When it comes to raising teenagers, the question often arises: Do well-behaved kids still require rules and structure? The term “good” kid can be subjective, but for me, it’s based on my daughter’s actions and choices. I observe her history: How frequently has she lied, and how many times have I caught her? Is she getting into trouble at school? How does she interact with her friends? Has she ever engaged in behaviors she knows are off-limits?
Aside from a couple of minor lies that she admitted to after some gentle questioning, I would classify my daughter as “good” based on my standards. Recently turning 14, I know the teenage years can bring challenges, but so far, she’s managed well.
You might think I should be thankful for a well-behaved child—and I genuinely am. However, I still need to navigate how to monitor her behavior effectively. The reality is, kids can’t break the rules if there aren’t any established. Therefore, how can I truly assess her good behavior without setting clear limits and observing her reactions?
Despite her generally positive behavior, I consistently maintain expectations. These guidelines serve as a framework for me to evaluate whether she truly embodies being “good.” For instance, last summer, I allowed her to visit an amusement park with friends for the first time, an experience that initially filled me with anxiety. I accompanied her to the entrance and watched her disappear into the crowd.
However, this newfound freedom came with rules. The most crucial was that she had to meet me outside the park by 7 p.m. With a cell phone in her possession, she was well aware of the time. When 7 o’clock arrived, I expected to see her approaching my car.
The first visit went smoothly, and I felt proud of my decision-making skills. But during her second outing, she kept me waiting in the parking lot for thirty minutes—no text, no call, just silence. When she finally emerged, I took a moment to collect myself before addressing the situation, not wanting to embarrass her in front of her friends. Once I dropped them off, I had to inform her that she had lost a privilege.
While I didn’t revoke her park visit, I did take away her chance to attend a friend’s party she had been eagerly anticipating. She spent that day in her room, clearly upset. For a few days, she expressed her resentment toward me, resorting to tears and attempts at negotiation. Yet, I stood firm. Breaking the rules meant facing consequences, and I believed it was essential that the message was unequivocal.
In retrospect, it would have been easy to overlook her tardiness, especially since she had a valid excuse. However, that wasn’t the point. As she is not often in trouble, I feel the need to respond strongly during those rare instances when she crosses a line. When such opportunities arise, I want to ensure the lesson is clear.
As parents, we often find ourselves in trial-and-error situations. We implement rules, observe reactions, and hope we’re making the right choices. I believe it’s vital to communicate my expectations to my daughter. Ultimately, she will need to determine if she can meet those standards, and I hope that as she matures, she’ll set her own guidelines—finding a balance that resonates with her values.
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In summary, maintaining discipline for a seemingly “good” kid is essential for their growth. Establishing boundaries and consequences, even when behaviors are mostly positive, helps them understand responsibility and accountability.