As a mother, I often find myself in a whirlwind of morning chaos, trying to get my children ready for school. “We have a few outfit choices,” I tell my daughter, “the floral bell bottoms, a red tank top, jelly bean leggings, or the purple dress.”
“Purple dress!” my 4-year-old exclaims, her eyes lighting up with joy. Internally, I roll my eyes. A dress? Of course, she’d choose the twirly, floral number. She fits the stereotype of a “girly” girl perfectly.
As I help her put on the dress, buttoning it up, I watch her twirl happily down the hall. I’ll admit, it’s not easy for me to accept her fondness for frilly clothes and sparkly footwear. The fact that she adores her Cinderella sneakers is almost painful for me. I find myself grappling with the idea that I’ve failed to instill values in her that align with my beliefs about femininity and self-expression.
Yet, if that’s what she truly wants and it doesn’t cost any more than other options, how can I refuse? It’s not harming her, right? Why am I struggling to support her choices?
In contrast, I often glorify my elder daughter’s style, praising her unique fashion sense. She gravitates towards gender-neutral clothing, with a penchant for blue and Converse sneakers—traits I admire and celebrate. She doesn’t fuss over her outfits or stress about mixing and matching like her younger sister does.
This disparity in how I respond to their preferences is troubling. I find myself wrestling with deeper societal messages about feminism and fashion. Some argue that caring about looks contradicts feminist principles, while others believe that fashion is an empowering form of self-expression. It’s a confusing paradox.
There’s also the notion that rejecting beauty standards entirely is the hallmark of a “real woman.” I struggle with my own insecurities—my post-baby body, gray hair, and the desire to maintain my appearance. I know that these feelings don’t diminish my worth or my feminist credentials.
I enjoy makeup and dressing up, and my youngest daughter loves sparkly shoes and pretty things. Young girls shouldn’t face shame for wanting to feel beautiful or for their love of traditionally “girly” styles. Caring about one’s appearance doesn’t negate a commitment to deeper values.
My daughter’s interests do not define her worth. She’s not less noble or credible for loving fashion; she’s a complex individual who also enjoys winning at games, sharing chocolate milk, and excelling in gymnastics. Her style choices are simply a part of who she is.
Instead of feeling guilty about her preferences, I should embrace and encourage her expression. Who am I to dismiss her love for princess shoes? If she enjoys her twirly dresses and sparkly accessories, that’s a reflection of her unique personality. It’s crucial to respect her choices and understand that her interests are just one aspect of her multidimensional self.
Ultimately, it’s perfectly fine for her to care about her appearance while also being a caring, thoughtful, and spirited child. Just as I balance my own interests and commitments, she can navigate her world filled with fashion and deeper passions.
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In summary, it’s essential to support our children’s choices, no matter how “girly” they may seem. Acknowledging their preferences does not diminish their depth or character. As parents, we should empower them to express themselves fully.