As we prepare to send you off to college, it’s a poignant moment for your father and me. We’ve devoted the past 18 years to nurturing your growth, yet the thought of your departure fills me with mixed emotions. I’m thrilled about the adventure awaiting you, but I can’t help but feel the emptiness that will come with your absence. Those late-night study sessions with friends, the laughter echoing through our home, will all be greatly missed.
I’ll particularly miss the endless line of your friends who would invade our kitchen and devour everything in sight. If I had charged them, I could’ve funded your first semester! I’ll also remember the sleepless nights filled with worry when you decided to stretch curfews—those were certainly heart-pounding moments that kept me on my toes.
Before the moving trucks arrive, I want to impart some crucial advice for your college years:
Prioritize Your Health
Be sure to eat a balanced diet. While the cafeteria may tempt you with an endless supply of burgers and pizza, don’t forget to visit the salad bar regularly. And stock up on essentials like peanut butter and bread—you never know when the daily special will be unappetizing.
Practice Good Hygiene
Please, don’t rely on body spray to substitute for a shower after a workout. A good antibacterial soap is essential. And yes, keep some Q-tips handy; you don’t want to be the guy with questionable ear hygiene. Remember, taking care of your teeth is just as important—floss and brush regularly.
Be Considerate of Others
Adhere to the campus noise regulations. Just because you have powerful speakers doesn’t mean you should blast music at ear-splitting levels. Also, remember that while your appetite might be considerable, entering every eating contest won’t win you friends—especially if it involves beans.
Take Relationships Seriously
While the safest option is abstinence, if you do engage sexually, remember to use protection appropriately. Misusing condoms for party tricks won’t earn you any admiration.
Resist Peer Pressure
Don’t be swayed by friends to partake in ridiculous dares—like chugging hot sauce. Such antics will only lead to embarrassing moments you’d rather forget.
Practice Gratitude
It’s okay if you’re not driving the latest model; what matters is that your vehicle gets you where you need to go. Appreciate what you have, regardless of the flashiness of others.
Be Financially Savvy
Keep track of your spending. If your beverage expenses start to eclipse your tuition, it’s time to reassess your priorities.
Maintain a Clean Living Space
Regularly take out the trash and clean up after yourself. Old pizza crusts under your bed will attract all sorts of unwelcome guests.
Stay Focused on Academics
Remember that studying should come before partying. Falling behind in your classes will only lead to unnecessary stress.
Enjoy Your Freedom
Take your time in finding the right partner. Don’t rush into a relationship just because the first co-ed is attractive.
Always Be Prepared
Stock up on hangover remedies like Gatorade and keep a pillow in your bag—you never know when you might need one.
Avoid Reckless Behavior
Engaging in dangerous stunts can have serious consequences. Think twice before participating in anything that could land you in trouble.
Value True Friends
Cherish the friends who will support you through thick and thin and won’t disclose your most embarrassing moments.
Keep Your Sense of Humor
If you wake up to find your belongings rearranged or covered in bubble wrap, laughter is the best response. Your roommates will likely have their share of fun at your expense, too.
Your father and I are excited to watch you embark on this journey of independence. We believe in your ability to navigate this new phase of life. And remember, if you ever find yourself in a tight spot—like with a flame thrower on campus—don’t hesitate to call your siblings; we’ll be busy at the AARP convention!
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In summary, embrace this new chapter with enthusiasm and responsibility. Your father and I are proud of you, and we’ll always be here to support you, even if we are off on our own adventures.