I have a variety of names — my first name, a middle name, a last name, plus a few endearing nicknames — and I typically respond to all of them. Occasionally, I might even answer to “Doctor” or “Hey You.” However, unless you are my child, please refrain from calling me “Mom.”
Long before my partner and I welcomed our little ones, I was clear about my feelings; I did not want my partner to refer to me as “Mom.” The idea of being addressed as “Mom” by anyone other than my children felt uncomfortable. I remember wincing when the hospital staff generically referred to me as “Mom” instead of taking a moment to check my name on the chart.
It drives me a little crazy when strangers inquire, “Is Mommy having a party tonight?” when they spot the wine I’ve picked up. I also prefer that my partner doesn’t call me “Mom” in front of the kids. Although I’ve grown accustomed to hearing it from pediatricians and eye doctors, that doesn’t mean I enjoy it.
Motherhood is undoubtedly a unique and cherished role. Some individuals might argue that its significance warrants constant reminders. Yet, because I hold the title of “Mom” so dear, I believe it should be exclusive to my children. It’s a term of endearment, a private nickname that signifies my bond with them. I have cherished the evolution of their names for me, from “Mama” to “Mommy” to simply “Mom.”
In society, there seems to be a curious tendency to both celebrate and belittle motherhood. We honor mothers while simultaneously using qualifiers like “mom” and “mommy” to label their roles and activities. For instance, writers who are mothers are often labeled as “mommy bloggers,” and social gatherings become “moms’ night out.” But what does this imply? Is the term “mom” really necessary to distinguish these aspects of life? If so, how does it add value?
For some, the term “Mom” serves as a comforting reminder of their primary role. However, for me, the essence of being a mother is so ever-present that I cherish the moments when I can step away from that identity. The woman I was before motherhood is still very much alive beneath the layers of being a mom.
As mothers, we embody various traits — caregivers, nurturers, healers, and leaders — all of which exist independently of our titles. These qualities are intrinsically part of who we are, just like our passions, whether it’s a love for cooking, a penchant for sarcasm, or an appreciation for quality wine. The maternal aspect of our lives exists alongside the other facets of our identities, not overshadowing them.
Yes, we are “Mom” to our children. For many, this role is one of the most fulfilling experiences of their lives. Yet, we are also friends, partners, daughters, and individuals with histories that predate motherhood and are equally significant. It’s essential to acknowledge each of these roles.
So, unless you’re my child, I kindly ask that you refrain from calling me Mom.
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Summary:
The article discusses the author’s personal feelings about being called “Mom” and how she wishes that term to be reserved for her children alone. It explores the complexities of motherhood, the societal labels attached to mothers, and the importance of maintaining one’s identity beyond motherhood. The author emphasizes the coexistence of various roles and identities in a woman’s life, advocating for a recognition of the woman beyond just being a mom.