Lifestyle
By Dr. Emily Carter
Updated: Oct. 17, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 19, 2016
I have a confession: I used to completely overlook my friendships. In my younger days, friends were just… there. We played sports, sat side by side in college lectures, and shared countless hours gossiping about our crushes. We were each other’s constant support as we navigated the ups and downs of life, falling in and out of love, making choices both wise and foolish, and trying to shape the futures we dreamed of.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself with a husband, children, and a job that somehow demands a significant portion of my time—time that is often spent on tasks like folding laundry. Keeping my friendships alive amid the chaos now requires meticulous planning, often involving calendars, color-coded highlighters, and weeks of preparation. I’ve even resorted to pretending to exercise in the morning just to carve out time for my friends. We may jog together, but our conversations have shifted to our sons and, quite frankly, how to get them to use the toilet without turning it into a disaster.
Friendship dynamics have become more complex at this stage of life. It’s not just about cocktails and finals anymore; we’re dealing with heavier topics like aging parents, impending teenage crises, and the relentless dinner-making routine. While my friends remain my confidants and sources of support, I sometimes feel like I’m falling short as a friend, constantly pulled away by responsibilities that seem to require my immediate attention.
We All Stumble in Our Roles as Friends
We all stumble in our roles as friends from time to time because:
- We miss important calls when someone needs us, overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood.
- We don’t always offer the right advice when friends seek our opinions.
- We can’t help but dominate conversations when we should be listening, simply thrilled to engage in adult dialogue.
- We forget birthdays and significant events.
- We become so engrossed in our own lives that we overlook what’s important in our friends’ lives.
- We might feel hurt when we’re not invited to gatherings, even if we wouldn’t have attended.
- We hold on to grudges that are trivial.
- We create unnecessary drama in our minds.
- We sometimes drift apart, and in some cases, lose friends because we weren’t there when it mattered most.
However, It’s Crucial to Recognize How We Succeed as Friends
It’s crucial to recognize how we succeed as friends:
- We listen deeply, often more than our partners do.
- We keep each other’s secrets safe.
- We talk about significant issues—children, parents, and even the best shapewear.
- We share laughter, sometimes until we’re in tears, because we understand the realities behind those smiles, unfiltered by Instagram.
- We uplift each other, leaving our conversations feeling more empowered.
- We reach out for advice when Google doesn’t suffice, finding comfort in shared parental experiences.
- We make time, even when it seems impossible.
- We practice forgiveness, understanding that this chaotic phase of life can be tough.
I look forward to the day when we are all 80, with no cares left to give. I’m sure we will still chat about boys, but I hope we’ll primarily enjoy whiskey toasting to the fact that we did our best.
For more insights on navigating friendships, check out what our real-life experts, Mia and Jordan, share in this episode of our podcast. And if you’re interested in exploring more about family-building options, this excellent resource can be found at Resolve.
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Summary
Friendships can become challenging as life gets busier with responsibilities. While it’s easy to feel like you’re failing as a friend, it’s essential to recognize both the struggles and successes that come with maintaining these relationships. From listening and supporting each other to finding time to connect, friendship is an ongoing journey that requires effort and understanding.