“Today, your father will be making breakfast for you,” I tell my son while struggling to steady my hands as I buckle him into his high chair. The effort it takes to speak feels monumental as I battle the waves of nausea threatening to overwhelm me.
“Mom, do you have a headache?” he asks, his innocent eyes wide with concern.
“Yes, I do.”
“No! No, you don’t!” he protests, his disappointment palpable. He understands the routine all too well—this day will likely see me confined to bed, while he yearns for my attention. As I kiss him goodbye and hand him over to my husband, I can feel the familiar searing pain in my head, almost as if an invisible force is curling my thoughts into tight spirals. Despite my physical limitations, a deep sense of guilt wells up inside me. I wish I could spend the day playing with my child. I wish my medications would provide relief. I wish chronic migraines weren’t a part of my life.
For many, migraines are merely an inconvenience, but for those of us who suffer from chronic migraines, they can become a defining aspect of our lives. Though I share this experience with millions, I often feel isolated and misjudged. I’ve learned to avoid discussing my condition as unsolicited advice often follows, ranging from “Have you tried taking two Advil?” to “Have you considered managing your stress better?” Such comments trivialize a neurological disorder that remains poorly understood even by medical professionals. True migraine attacks are far from typical headaches; they are debilitating events that can’t simply be pushed through.
My journey with migraines began a decade ago, initially manifesting as infrequent attacks. However, the frequency and intensity have escalated over the years, leading to near-daily episodes. Hormonal fluctuations are my primary triggers, and each month brings a cycle of pain that seems unending.
I’ve pursued numerous treatments in search of relief, from acupuncture and yoga to Botox injections, and even exploring intimacy with my husband in hopes it might alleviate the pain—all to no avail. Some days, my abortive medication works wonders; other days, it feels as ineffective as candy. Without the support and flexibility of my husband’s work schedule, I don’t know how I would manage motherhood.
Like many mothers, my deepest desire is to provide the best for my child. However, the reality of living with a chronic condition means that sometimes, my efforts fall short. On days when my health fails me, the guilt of not being present for my son weighs heavily. It’s as though my migraines rob me of precious moments with my family; I can hear their laughter from the bedroom while I lie incapacitated, missing out on irreplaceable experiences.
While my husband does his best to support me, my condition often creates friction in our relationship. The state of my migraines dictates our social life and our ability to enjoy time together. On days when I’m bedridden, he must juggle his responsibilities while stepping in for me as a parent, which only adds to my guilt.
I’m not the vibrant woman he married, and I often feel like a fraud in my roles as wife and mother. The persistent pain of migraines looms over me, preventing me from fully engaging in family life. I’ve missed out on countless celebrations, vacations, and milestones that I can never reclaim.
Yet, I remain hopeful. Perhaps I will eventually find the right treatment that works for me, or maybe menopause will provide a reprieve. I cherish the pain-free days when I can be fully present, enjoying life with my loved ones. Those are the moments that I strive to focus on, even as I continue to explore new preventative measures. As I embark on this journey, I hold onto the small victories—like today, when I was able to play with my son, share a laugh with my husband, and write this reflection. I am more than my migraines.
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In summary, living with chronic migraines is a daily battle that affects not only the individual but also their family and relationships. While the pain can be overwhelming and guilt-inducing, there are moments of joy that remind us of who we are beyond our conditions.