Parenting has evolved since my children entered the tween phase. One of the most significant shifts has been in discipline. The old methods, like threatening to take away dessert, no longer work. My tweens have perfected the art of sneaking snacks while I’m preoccupied—whether I’m in the shower, scrolling through social media, or checking the mail. They’ve discovered all my hiding spots and can devour a slice of cake in a matter of seconds. Plus, they aren’t quite old enough to drive, so revoking car privileges isn’t an option either.
As we navigate these tween years together, I find myself needing to adapt my parenting style to manage their growing sassiness. This means coming up with fresh approaches to ensure they listen to me and truly understand what I’m trying to convey. The classic threat of “or else” has lost its effectiveness; they’ve figured out that it often means I’m scrambling to think of an appropriate consequence. Just the other day, I told my 12-year-old son, “or else,” and he promptly asked, “Or else what?” It took a moment, but I managed to respond with a consequence: losing phone privileges for the day. That got him moving quickly!
Here are some other inventive strategies I’ve developed to communicate with my tweens:
1. Mirror Their Style to Make a Point.
Why do teenage boys insist on wearing their pants so low? It’s a puzzling fashion choice! To highlight this, I once decided to walk around the house with my pants sagging below my underwear to illustrate how ridiculous it looks. While shopping, I even let them slip a bit too far, resulting in a mortified reaction from my son when a store manager approached me about indecent exposure. Lesson learned, I hope!
2. Use Music as a Teaching Tool.
Pop music has taken over our house, replacing the Disney soundtracks of yesteryear. Since my kids are going to listen to these songs anyway, I make it a point to join them, allowing me to steer conversations about the messages conveyed in their favorite tunes. Instead of lecturing them outright, I use car rides as a chance to discuss why some lyrics may not be appropriate. If they try to brush me off, I threaten to switch to “old school” music, which they absolutely despise. This way, they’re more inclined to hear me out.
3. Investigate Their Phones.
These days, getting my kids to share details about their day feels like pulling teeth. Gone are the times when they would eagerly share every little thing. Now, to get the conversation flowing, I often ask about their texts or social media interactions. This has proven to be an effective way to spark dialogue, as they quickly want to explain what’s happening in their online lives.
4. Give Them Space When Needed.
I’ve learned that it’s entirely acceptable to ask my kids to take a breather when they’ve pushed my buttons too far. Instead of hiding in the bathroom with a treat, I now tell them to find something else to do while I enjoy the peace (and maybe a slice of cheesecake) in the kitchen. They recognize when they’ve tested my patience and usually know it’s time to give me some distance.
As they grow, our parenting techniques will continue to adapt. We love them fiercely, even if we have to adjust our approach to discipline. Instead of merely being little troublemakers, they now have the potential to become more challenging adolescents. As long as we can manage their behavior creatively, we’re on the right track.
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In summary, parenting during the tween years requires a shift in approach. By utilizing creative strategies that resonate with your children, you can foster an environment where communication and understanding thrive.