By Dr. Sarah Thompson
In a world where family structures are evolving, I find my sanity and happiness anchored by the presence of two families: my biological family and my in-laws, along with a third group—my surrogate family. This unique family is not bound by blood or obligation; instead, it is composed of individuals I handpicked, who, in turn, chose me. I feel incredibly fortunate and thankful for the relationships we’ve built.
Before becoming a parent, my close friends were my support system. No challenge seemed insurmountable when I had them by my side or my biological family to lean on. My parents offered guidance during tough times, while my friends provided emotional support during moments of joy and sorrow. They helped me celebrate milestones, whether it was standing by me at my wedding or simply being there when life got overwhelming. I felt complete with my friends and family; I didn’t think I needed anything more.
Then, I became a parent. Initially, my parents and in-laws stepped in to help, offering advice on everything from feeding techniques to sleep schedules. While they did assist with meals and childcare, I often found myself feeling overwhelmed by the expectations to maintain my usual home decorum. The pressure to play host while navigating postpartum recovery felt like a juggling act. Their intentions were good, but I realized that I wanted to raise my child differently from how I was raised—this led to friction and frustration.
My friends, though well-meaning, often felt out of their depth. They arrived with gifts that were, while thoughtful, not always practical for a newborn. Their lives continued as usual, leaving me feeling isolated with my new responsibilities. I was in a challenging place, seeking understanding and connection.
Then, I remembered a friend, Mia, who had her baby just a year prior. She reached out, offering a pre-prepared meal and asking about my birth experience. She was there to listen and support me in a way that truly mattered, holding the baby while I took a much-needed shower. This moment sparked a realization; I needed to connect with other new parents.
I bravely attended local groups like La Leche League and Babywearing International, where I met numerous moms navigating similar challenges. We shared phone numbers and arranged playdates at local cafes. It felt like starting over socially, but I managed to forge lasting friendships with some incredible women.
Additionally, I cherished the support of childless friends who adapted to my new life. While they might not change diapers, their company during movie nights and their willingness to babysit when needed became invaluable. They provided a welcome balance to parenthood.
As luck would have it, I also encountered an older couple, Joe and Linda, who showered my children with love. Their wisdom and perspective were refreshing. They offered insights that my parents couldn’t, fostering a bond over shared interests and our mutual affection for the kids.
Having a second family—a community—is essential. While my biological family is irreplaceable, the love and support from my chosen family enrich our lives tremendously. They bring soup when illness strikes and offer to help at a moment’s notice. These connections form the backbone of a supportive network that every parent needs.
If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this blog post for additional insights. Similarly, if you’re exploring options for starting a family, Make A Mom provides excellent resources for home insemination kits. For those dealing with infertility challenges, ACOG offers a wealth of information that can be beneficial.
In summary, having a surrogate family enhances the experience of parenthood and fosters a supportive environment for children to grow up in. The bonds formed outside of traditional family structures can be just as significant and rewarding.