Originally Published: August 3, 2016 | Updated: May 17, 2017
“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”
Who would have imagined that the character I resonate with the most isn’t a heroic figure or a graceful princess, but rather a forgetful blue fish? As a pediatrician and a parent to a child on the autism spectrum, I often feel like we’re fighting a current that’s too strong to overcome.
Finding appropriate support services for children like my son can be quite challenging. It’s a constant battle to secure the help we need, and our daily family life can feel anything but typical. The disapproving looks from others can add unnecessary pressure, and I’ll be honest, there are days when it feels overwhelming—I feel like I’m sinking. I question where I’ll find the fortitude to tackle yet another challenge for my child.
Interestingly, the most trivial tasks often feel like they might pull me under—like doing the dishes, for example.
Last night, upon entering the kitchen, I was met with a daunting pile of dirty dishes. My first reaction was one of defeat as I surveyed the chipped plates and coffee-stained cups. I slammed the door in frustration and retreated to bed, sulking.
But when I reopened the kitchen door this morning, I found the mess wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. My mind had exaggerated the situation, as it often does when I’m feeling pessimistic.
What I should have told myself was, “So what!”
Embracing this mindset is liberating. I’ve come to realize that there’s usually a silver lining in every situation, even in the chaos of unwashed dishes.
So what if I go to bed with pots still in the sink? In the grand scheme of things, does it truly matter? No, because if the dishes pile up long enough, maybe my partner will finally relent and buy that dishwasher I’ve been eyeing.
So what if I’m not among the millions binging the latest feel-good series on Sunday nights? I can always catch up later, skipping the ads and enjoying the show on my own time.
So what if I take my showers late at night to avoid the morning rush? My priority is getting my son to school with minimal stress, not perfecting my hairstyle.
So what if my partner and I have to schedule daytime dates due to the lack of a sitter? We often get midweek specials at our local pub, making it a win-win.
So what if we alternate attending family gatherings because they can be overwhelming? This way, we get quality one-on-one time with our daughters when it’s our turn, while the spouse at home enjoys some well-deserved peace and remote control privileges.
So what if we frequent the same vacation spot annually for the sake of consistency? At least we know what to expect, which keeps surprises—and pests—at bay.
So what if I prioritize comfort over style and wear sensible shoes? I need to be quick on my feet to catch a flying toy or intervene before a remote control becomes a missile.
So what if I have to be home by a certain time on nights out because my son worries about me? Honestly, I appreciate it; curling up in bed with a warm drink sounds much better.
So what if I had to leave my job? New opportunities arise when one door closes. I wouldn’t be sharing this experience with you if I were still at my old position.
So what if my son struggles to express his feelings verbally but can text them instead? I can cherish those messages as precious memories—and use them for a little light-hearted teasing in a few years.
So what if I spend a considerable amount of time navigating forms and making calls for my son’s needs? It’s made me a stronger advocate, and that’s empowering.
So what if my son is particular about the socks he wears due to sensory preferences? When we find ones he loves, we stock up, saving time hunting for mismatched pairs later.
So what if we’ve watched “Harry Potter” countless times? At least I know the spells to fend off imaginary threats!
So what if my son attends a special education school? It’s the best environment for him to thrive, where he feels accepted and valued. Ultimately, that’s what every parent wants for their child.
So what if some friendships fade due to our limited social calendar? True friends will stick around, and I’d rather have a few genuine connections than many superficial ones.
So what if we don’t fit the mold of a “normal” family? Who even defines normal? Social media often showcases idealized lives, but we all have our unique challenges and stories.
So what if my son is autistic? He remains the same extraordinary child I adore. While the diagnosis initially took me by surprise, I refuse to allow societal judgments to overshadow his self-worth.
So what if others disagree with my parenting choices? They don’t walk in my shoes, and these comfy shoes serve me well.
Next time you feel like you’re about to sink, try adopting a “so what?” attitude and let yourself float for a bit. Imagine relaxing on an inflatable raft with a drink in hand, humming along like that little blue fish, “just keep swimming.” We don’t have to fight the current all the time; sometimes it’s okay to go with the flow.
This article was originally published on August 3, 2016.
For more insights on parenthood and related topics, check out this post, or visit Make A Mom for authoritative resources. You can also explore Facts About Fertility for valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, embracing the chaos and finding joy in the everyday moments can make the journey of parenting an autistic child more manageable. By adopting a relaxed attitude towards life’s little hurdles, we can cultivate resilience and appreciation for our unique family dynamics.