As time goes by, many of us find ourselves mirroring our parents’ behaviors. Initially, we strive to distance ourselves, but as we transition into parenthood, we often realize that our parents may not have been entirely mistaken. Before you know it, the echoes of our parents’ voices emerge from our own mouths, perpetuating a cycle we didn’t intend to continue.
Much like learning a language, our parenting styles are often acquired unconsciously, shaped by the familial environment around us—complete with tones, common phrases, and cherished sayings. Is this inherited wisdom, or merely an ingrained characteristic that runs in the family?
Growing up, my mother frequently expressed her concerns with phrases like: “I will be worrying,” “Do you want something bad to happen?” and “The world is dangerous!”
Me: Why can’t I go to camp with my friends? The teacher will be there!
Mom: I’d prefer if you didn’t. I’ll be worrying.
Me: Please, let me go to the dance! Don’t you trust me?
Mom: I don’t trust other people. The world is dangerous.
Me: I want to learn how to ride a bike!
Mom: Do you want to break your neck?
Nothing ever felt truly safe, and I always felt insecure. As I matured, I began to push back, only to hear the familiar refrain: “When you become a parent, you’ll understand how I feel.” And indeed, I did. When I welcomed my first child, a wave of anxiety and responsibility washed over me. She seemed so delicate and dependent on me for protection.
I believe every new mother grapples with similar feelings, desperately seeking something solid to cling to as they navigate this new world. For me, that meant constant vigilance. Initially, my focus was on creating a safe environment for my baby, starting with her crib. As she began to explore, my protective instincts intensified.
As she took her first steps, I felt a jolt of fear rather than joy. I found myself echoing my mother’s sentiments: “Be careful—you don’t want to fall, do you?”
Suddenly, I was caught in a cycle of overprotection, fearing that with each milestone, I would lose control over her safety. I recognized that I was smothering her instead of nurturing her growth. But breaking free from this instinctual behavior is no easy feat. Overprotectiveness can be as hereditary as any health condition.
Deep down, the phrase “I’ll be worrying” was rooted in the fear of never forgiving myself if something were to happen to her. Helicopter parents often operate from a place of love, wanting only the best for their children. However, this love can inadvertently strip children of their rights to take risks and encounter new experiences.
Would you forgive yourself for hindering your child’s development due to excessive love? Would you rather live with the guilt of raising a fearful, dependent child or allow them to take risks, even if it means they might get hurt? Kids should have the opportunity to run, fall, and learn from their mistakes.
While it’s true that the world can be perilous, it is equally unpredictable and uncontrollable. Since I adopted a more relaxed approach, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my own happiness. Overprotective parents often carry an immense burden, and such anxiety can seep into the lives of their children, leading them to feel responsible for their parents’ emotional well-being.
Children raised in overly protective environments often become more attuned to their parents’ fears, which can lead them to avoid activities or experiences that might cause anxiety for their mothers. Don’t you think they are wise enough to make their own choices? I certainly do.
As my daughter grows, I strive to balance my concerns with the need to let her explore the world. I still worry, especially when I see her swinging from the chin-up bar. Yet, I resist the urge to hover and instead allow her to learn through her experiences, even if it’s challenging for me. I am determined to break this cycle of overprotectiveness and embrace a healthier approach to parenting.
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Summary
Overprotective parenting often stems from a place of love but can hinder children’s growth and independence. It’s essential to recognize the cycle of anxiety that can be passed down through generations and to allow children to take risks and learn from their experiences. Finding a balance between concern and freedom is crucial for fostering resilience and self-reliance in our children.