Updated: Oct. 17, 2023
Originally Published: July 22, 2016
At the age of 34, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. The news was shocking; we weren’t prepared, and honestly, it sent us into a bit of a tailspin. Yet, everyone kept saying that you can’t really plan these things — it’ll all work out in the end. So, we visited the doctor, began to process the life-changing news, and started feeling a flicker of excitement. Then, heartbreakingly, I experienced a miscarriage.
It was early, just about six weeks along. Being attuned to my body meant I noticed the signs immediately. My OB informed me that many women experience early miscarriages without even realizing it, mistaking them for late periods. But I knew I was pregnant, and when I began to bleed, I recognized the loss for what it was.
Fast forward three months, and I found myself pregnant again. Back to the doctor for early blood tests that initially looked normal. Then the intense pains and unexpected bleeding began. An emergency room visit confirmed my fears: it was ectopic, meaning the embryo had implanted in my fallopian tube instead of the uterus. This was a serious situation requiring intervention before it turned life-threatening.
Fortunately, it was early enough that I had the option to avoid removing my fallopian tube. Instead, they administered Methotrexate, a medication used to treat rapidly dividing cells — including embryos. The shot was painful, and I left the hospital with strict instructions to avoid pregnancy for a few months due to potential birth defects.
A year passed, and at 35, we decided to try for a baby again. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests left me feeling disheartened. I began to believe that Methotrexate had ruined my chances. And then, finally, I saw that positive test.
The anxiety of being pregnant again after previous losses was overwhelming. Each doctor’s appointment felt like a ticking clock, waiting for bad news. We finally saw a heartbeat, and I began to relax, albeit slightly.
The 12-week ultrasound is a significant milestone for many women, often prompting them to share their pregnancy news. I had only confided in family and close friends, cautiously optimistic. Then, just one day before that critical ultrasound, I began to bleed heavily. A return to the ER confirmed my worst fears — I was miscarrying again.
This time, it was different — not just a heavy period, but an overwhelming amount of blood. In the waiting room, something felt off. As I was prepped for triage, a significant cramp hit. Despite being bundled up in layers, when I pulled my hand away, it was drenched in blood.
Soon, my husband and I were in a private room, and as he tried to assist me, his arms also became covered in blood. The situation felt surreal; was I dying? My husband rushed off for help, his fear palpable.
A nurse returned, seemingly unfazed. “This is normal,” she assured me. Normal? It was shocking to hear. Statistics indicate that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, equating to approximately 500,000 miscarriages annually in the U.S. As someone who considers herself informed about women’s health, I was taken aback. Why hadn’t I heard more stories like mine?
There are many reasons. For one, discussing miscarriage is often seen as too grim or clinical. Sharing such experiences can feel like exposing vulnerability or failure. As women, we are often conditioned to feel that we should be able to conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. When that doesn’t happen, it can feel deeply disheartening.
Moreover, the emotional toll is immense. Hormonal shifts only add to the turmoil. Losing a pregnancy often goes unacknowledged; society doesn’t recognize women who have miscarried as mothers, yet that’s precisely what they are.
The emotional aftermath is challenging, as you attempt to return to your daily life while grappling with the loss of a child you had already begun to love.
If you’re in the midst of this struggle — and I know many of you are — I want to reassure you: you will overcome this. Women are incredibly resilient. The statistics show that we endure these experiences and often go on to conceive again. Personally, after two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, I welcomed two beautiful children at ages 38 and 40.
It’s essential to talk about these experiences. By keeping silent, we do ourselves and each other a disservice. These narratives matter, and they are shared female experiences that need to be vocalized. If you find yourself miscarrying at three months, it’s important to know that bleeding heavily can be part of the process, and you are not alone in this.
For more insights into fertility and home insemination, check out resources like UCSF’s guide on IVF. And if you’re exploring home insemination options, consider visiting Make a Mom’s Baby Maker Kit or Intracervical Insemination for more information.
Summary
Navigating the journey of pregnancy loss is often filled with emotional challenges that many women face but few openly discuss. Miscarriages are common, yet the pain of losing a pregnancy can feel isolating. Women are incredibly resilient, and sharing these experiences can help others feel less alone. Resources are available to support women through these difficult times, making the conversation around pregnancy loss essential.