As a mother, I often find myself yearning to explore my interests beyond parenting, yet my enthusiasm frequently gets overshadowed by the demands of daily life. While raising children is undeniably rewarding, carving out even a moment for personal projects can feel like an uphill battle — and that realization can be disheartening.
One evening, seeking clarity, I ventured out to a jazz club to watch my friend play the saxophone. He was part of a jam session, a spontaneous performance with musicians, often strangers, collaborating on the spot. The setup varied: sometimes just two players, other times a dozen, with songs ranging from short to long — there were no scripts. It was captivating to witness him embrace the moment, one note at a time.
The next day during a walk, I began to inquire about his approach to jamming.
Me: How do you get up there without knowing the songs? Don’t you worry about making mistakes? How do you even start?
My friend: Musicians just call out the key, and you join in. You might not know the tune, but you play what feels right. Improvise. Don’t overthink it. They announce the key, and then we jam.
Me: But what if you mess up?
My friend: (laughs) It’s all good. Just keep playing. If you hesitate, you’ll miss the rhythm. Trust that you’ll find your way back eventually. Just get up and play.
I’ve experienced that exhilarating feeling of losing myself in a task that is both challenging and enjoyable. It’s a powerful, uplifting sensation. Yet, it’s hard to nurture your spirit when even basic self-care feels like a luxury. At that moment, I resolved to stop holding myself back, to take the leap, and just start jamming.
“But I’m not good at this.”
“Keep jamming.”
“I don’t know how I’ll find the time.”
“Keep jamming.”
“What if I fail? What if people think I’m ridiculous?”
“Who cares? Enough of that. Keep jamming.”
“The baby just had a blowout.”
“Handle that, but remember to make time to keep jamming.”
Many of us hesitate to pursue our happiness, perceiving it as selfish. Ironically, the opposite is true; nurturing our passions enables us to be healthier and more fulfilled, which ultimately benefits those around us. I firmly believe it’s our responsibility to tap into our potential and make a significant impact. The world truly needs that.
Fast forward two and a half years, and I’ve accomplished something amazing: I completed and published a cookbook! It may sound ambitious, but I’ve come to understand that pursuing your passions should never come with an apology or feelings of unworthiness.
Here’s how you can begin to discover your own jam:
- Release Self-Imposed Pressure.
I stopped fretting about whether I was doing things “right,” what others might think, or if something had already been done. The reality is that no one else is living my experience in my kitchen. Once I silenced the distractions, I could hear my inner voice encouraging me to continue. - Acknowledge We’re All Learning.
Adulthood has taught me that none of us really have it all figured out. We’re all improvising and hoping for the best. You don’t need all the answers to start—dive into your project and learn along the way. - Embrace Mistakes.
Anticipate errors; they are stepping stones to growth. Be at ease with imperfection. My friend might hit a wrong note, but he continues playing without worrying about disappointing others. He trusts he’ll find his way back to the melody. - Share Your Ideas.
Many fear voicing their dreams, worried about theft or failure. However, expressing your intentions can attract the support and energy you need. Only after I shared my aspirations did I connect with a co-author and find professionals who helped bring my vision to life. - Trust Your Instincts.
I have strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledging them is part of adulthood. If something ignites your passion or keeps you awake at night, pursue it. Time is too valuable to waste on things that don’t excite you. - Lend a Helping Hand.
Consider what skills you possess that could assist others. Are you the go-to person for home decorating or toddler wrangling? I used to feel overwhelmed by the idea of meal planning for my family. I wanted to streamline the process while ensuring everyone ate well. Eventually, others sought my recipes, confirming I was onto something. - Let Go of Pleasing Everyone.
I used to care excessively about others’ opinions until I realized it doesn’t matter what they think of me. I can’t change their minds, and worrying is a waste of energy. Focus on your journey. When I began my project, I feared judgment from fellow moms, but many turned into my biggest supporters. - Identify What Moves You.
For me, it’s food. While developing recipes for my cookbook, I felt waves of nostalgia, recalling moments spent in my grandmother’s kitchen. Those memories fueled my passion to create meals that bring families together. - Release the Pursuit of Perfection.
Perfection is unattainable and dull. If my friend waited until he mastered all the songs, he’d never take the stage. Observing him made me realize that many people in the audience never attempt to perform due to fear.
So, what are you waiting for? What dreams are you stifling due to self-doubt or fear of judgment? Step past those barriers, declare your intention, and start jamming.
Congratulations to our contributor, Jenna Smith, and her collaborator on their new book, “Nurturing Young Palates!” It’s a cookbook tailored for babies and toddlers, aimed at instilling healthy eating habits from the start. We all could use some guidance in that area!
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Summary
This article inspires parents to pursue their passions beyond the immediate demands of parenting. It shares insights from a jazz musician about the value of improvisation, encouraging readers to embrace mistakes, share their ideas, and focus on what brings them joy. The key is to start engaging with your interests openly and fearlessly, while maintaining a healthy perspective on self-worth.