In the realm of parenting, it’s often a contentious issue whether or not to be a “pushy” parent. A recent article in a popular publication critiques the idea that children must discover a singular “passion,” and points the finger at overzealous parents for their role in this narrative. These are the moms and dads who select activities—like learning the saxophone or playing soccer—and proclaim, “You’re going to excel at this,” even when their child isn’t interested in becoming the next musical prodigy or sports star.
The author of the article, Maria Thompson, argues that the college admissions process fuels this behavior. In the past, colleges sought well-rounded applicants who engaged in a variety of activities—academic pursuits, sports, music, volunteering, and more. Nowadays, they prefer students who have demonstrated a commitment to a specific passion, often by middle school.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember my “passion” involved hiding in libraries devouring every book I could find. In high school, I preferred the solitude of my room, jamming to classic rock while indulging in questionable snack choices. It wasn’t until my mid-20s that I discovered my love for writing, and figure skating didn’t become my passion until I was in my 40s.
While I agree with Thompson that it’s ill-advised for parents to choose their children’s passions for them, I also believe there are moments when a gentle nudge is entirely acceptable.
Don’t fret about scholarships; focus on fitness.
I don’t enroll my child in Little League with dreams of them becoming the next sports legend. Instead, I’m signing them up for baseball—or soccer, or any other physical activity—because physical exercise is essential in our household.
Yes, kids can find ways to be active outside of organized sports. However, as adults, we know that self-directed activities, such as gym workouts or solo bike rides, require a level of motivation that can be hard for kids to muster. When a child joins a team, they make a commitment to their peers, turning what could be a passive activity into an engaging experience.
Thinking about scouting? Or perhaps the marching band?
I hear the local Key Club is looking for volunteers at a nearby shelter soon. Sure, group activities can be challenging, but learning to collaborate with others is a crucial skill that will benefit them in both their professional and personal lives. Rather than viewing these opportunities as mere additions to a college application, consider them lifelines to personal growth.
Volunteering, in particular, should be a family value.
Consider learning an instrument like the banjo. Whether or not they ever perform at a prestigious venue, the ability to play an instrument provides an additional outlet for self-expression. Understanding music offers a unique way to connect with diverse cultures, transcending language barriers. Plus, let’s face it—who doesn’t appreciate a good guitar player?
As the saying goes, “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” We all know that one gifted student who flunked out of a class due to complacency. While I’m not expecting straight A’s, it’s important for kids to experience the satisfaction that comes from pushing through challenges and feeling that sweat on their brow. If they later choose to forgo hard work, at least they’ll recognize that not achieving their personal best is a conscious choice, not a reflection of their potential.
I’ll let you decide when it’s time to call it quits. If an activity truly poses a danger or if the environment is toxic, then absolutely, my child can walk away. However, for most activities, I encourage them to give it a fair shot. Before declaring, “I can’t do this, I’m done,” they should collaborate with a coach or teacher to set achievable goals. Then, they can strive to reach those goals.
For instance, I once told my daughter she could quit the violin once she mastered a specific song she struggled with. After much effort, including a few moments of frustration, she learned to play the song and felt a sense of accomplishment—only to never touch the violin again. Now, she plays the clarinet, a passion she truly enjoys, even if it comes with its own set of challenges.
So, don’t let anyone convince you that all encouraging parents are merely projecting their ambitions onto their kids. Sometimes, a little nudge is just what’s needed to help them discover their own paths. For more insights on parenting and family life, check out one of our other blog posts here. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, a reputable retailer like Make a Mom offers excellent products. For more valuable information, visit Kindbody as well, which serves as a fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while it’s important for children to explore their interests independently, a bit of parental encouragement can also play a vital role in their development, helping them build skills and confidence along the way.
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