Welcome to the third evening of the Republican National Convention, where the theme is “Make America First Again,” a clever play on our national initials. We’re set for a night filled with notable speakers and, of course, another appearance from Donald Trump. After the previous two nights’ turmoil, one can’t help but feel that tonight might go smoothly. Let’s plunge into the chaotic waters of this event and see what unfolds.
Governor Brian Thompson, State of Florida
Hello everyone, I’m Brian Thompson from Florida. Before Mr. Trump makes his grand entrance, I’d like to thank you for your support following the tragic events in Orlando. The local LGBTQ+ community has asked me to convey their gratitude and to plead for the protection of their civil rights. Or not. That’s on them, not me.
Terrorism used to be a distant issue, but now we’re faced with it on our own soil. How many more incidents like Orlando, San Bernardino, or Fort Hood will occur before the current administration acknowledges the truth? A thought-provoking question: what connects these shooters? (Hint: it begins with an “M” and rhymes with “Uslim.”)
Attorney General Samantha Rivers, State of Florida
We sadly missed Samantha’s speech, but rumors say she’s still recovering from a recent televised encounter with a prominent news anchor that didn’t go well.
Col. Emily Johnson, Ret., First Female Commander, U.S. Space Shuttle
I know many have been waiting for someone to discuss our nation’s commitment to space exploration. It’s a significant part of our identity. Ever since the first settlers arrived, we’ve sought to explore what’s beyond our horizon. The Indigenous peoples, however, might have a different perspective on our quest.
Senator Lucas Martinez, Video Address
Greetings! Before Mr. Trump reemerges, let’s discuss the Hispanic community. We have basic aspirations, like escaping nations rife with chaos to find a new life here. My parents did this legally, as those who are skeptical of my background likely know. The current administration has only deepened our divides. Democrats don’t deserve the Hispanic vote! [Cheers from the crowd.]
Governor Mark Stevens, Wisconsin
HELLO, I AM MARK STEVENS, AND I CAN’T MODULATE MY VOICE. WE DESERVE BETTER THAN HILLARY CLINTON! WE WANT OUR COOKIE! AMERICA DESERVES BETTER! HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH YET? TOO BAD, HERE’S MORE LOUDNESS ABOUT EMAILS AND COLLEGE TUITION! WE DESERVE BETTER!
Lynne Porter, Community Advocate
It’s true, lives like mine often seem undervalued in this country. Yet, I stand here for Donald Trump, not despite my race, but because of it. Where has this campaign been hiding me?
Senator Ted Cruz
Congratulations to Donald Trump for winning the nomination. This election is crucial. We must ask ourselves if we are doing enough for our families and our country. Did we take the right steps? The answer is always, “Yes, Ted, you did well.”
Newt Carrington, Former Speaker of the House
Before the hologram of Trump appears, let me clarify Ted’s message. He wants you to choose a candidate who will uphold the Constitution. That candidate is Donald Trump, obviously. Now, let’s talk about the threats we face. We are more vulnerable now than ever before.
Governor Mike Adams, Vice Presidential Nominee
I accept your nomination to serve as Vice President of the United States. For those unfamiliar with me, let me summarize: veteran, cornfields, Reagan, family man. I could tell you tales about Hillary Clinton, but instead, let’s focus on the promise of change with Donald Trump. If I become Vice President, I pledge to pray daily because we will certainly need it.
[Trump enters, waving to the crowd.]
In summary, the third night of the Republican National Convention was marked by a mix of fervent speeches and dramatic moments. From gratitude for support after tragedies to strong calls against the Democratic party, the speakers painted a picture of urgency and necessity for change.
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