When you become a parent, laundry morphs into an endless cycle of dread. Despite our modern advancements, sending your children to school in their birthday suits is still frowned upon, which means you’ll find yourself trudging through heaps of laundry every single week for years to come.
Before parenthood, you may have envisioned yourself folding adorable little onesies and neatly organizing them in a pristine nursery dresser, untouched by the chaos of toddler tantrums. Little did you know, those tiny outfits would consume a significant portion of your life for the next 18 years, and trust me, that’s no exaggeration. But don’t just take my word for it—let the witty parents of Twitter enlighten you about the relentless nightmare that is laundry when you have kids.
1. Oops!
When you juggle work and parenting all week, you often end up spending your weekends in that faded t-shirt from your spouse’s company picnic seven years ago, paired with shorts that have a… questionable hole.
2. Same here!
The sound of the washing machine is the anthem of my existence, and it plays on a constant loop.
3. *Lights match*
Practice makes perfect, right? Sometimes, fantasizing about setting things ablaze seems like a perfectly sane way to cope. Whatever gets you through!
4. Laundry is a given.
Laundry and parenting go hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly. Or your spouse and the inexplicable overuse of the heavy-duty cycle.
5. Sorting is overrated.
Having your own alpaca would be pretty sweet, wouldn’t it?
6. Don’t you dare move!
My partner and I have engaged in weeks-long standoffs over who will tackle the folding and putting away of laundry. This is a hill I’m ready to die on—a hill formed from an avalanche of clothes.
7. LOL.
At least you can take comfort in knowing you gave it your best shot.
8. BRB, praying for the rapture.
That’s honestly the first thing I’d abandon.
9. Thanks for the help, buddy.
When your kids offer to “help,” just pour yourself a glass of wine and begin to rub your temples slowly. Acceptance is key.
10. 99% effective.
Keep in mind that every new family member adds several extra loads of laundry to your weekly routine until they finally move out—just a heads up.
11. No way!
Calm down, clothing labels. I’m not even sure I own an iron anymore; I might have let it go during a feng shui binge back in 2003.
12. Does that even work?
This child is on my wavelength; maybe if we wish hard enough, the laundry will spontaneously combust.
13. If only you knew.
Your teenage self would cringe at how much you now cherish a few hours of silence to power through laundry. Crank up the New Kids on the Block while you fold—best of both worlds!
This article was first published on July 21, 2016.
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In the chaotic world of parenting, laundry might feel like a never-ending battle, but remember you’re not alone in this struggle.