As a physician and a mother, I have a candid confession to share: Despite being a parent for nearly a decade, I have never once hired a babysitter. I don’t share this to boast or to suggest that I’m somehow superior to anyone else—far from it. I’ve been fortunate to have family nearby who could step in when needed, and since I work from home, I’ve always managed to weave my professional commitments around my family’s routine. Thus, I’ve never felt the pressing need to engage a babysitter—and I recognize that this is a privilege that many mothers do not have.
However, there has always been a nagging question in the back of my mind: was it really necessary to forgo that extra expense? Especially considering that qualified sitters in my area charge around $15 an hour. If there was ever a little extra cash, it was often funneled into swim lessons for my kids or a family outing to the amusement park. When it came to spending money on myself, it usually went toward something mundane, like new yoga pants or practical items (I admit, I can be a bit boring).
Yet, I now realize that I made a mistake by never hiring a babysitter. It was unwise of me to consistently prioritize everyone else’s needs above my own and to convince myself that I didn’t deserve a break or a moment of self-care.
I’ve been that mother who rarely gets a moment alone, convincing herself that this was the best way to parent. Guilt often crept in, leading me to believe that I should be saving every penny for my children’s needs. At times, I even thought I was a better mother for not seeking help, convinced that my kids were better off with only their parents and family watching over them. I was wrong. These thoughts stemmed from the false belief that my needs were of lesser importance.
Now, I understand that I could have greatly benefited from uninterrupted time to reconnect with myself—time to drive alone, free from the constant questions and demands of little ones. I longed for the simple pleasure of running errands without little ones clinging to my legs or crying in my ears.
On countless occasions—especially during periods when my kids were unwell or my partner was working long hours—I felt stretched to the breaking point. The monotony of daily tasks was draining, and I often found myself feeling robotic, caught in a cycle of complaints and whines. The pressure built up until I felt the walls closing in around me. I desperately needed an escape from the confines of my home.
Reflecting on it now, I realize that my mental well-being was worth the cost of hiring someone to watch my children for a few hours. Why didn’t I see that sooner? Of course, I understand that many mothers have tight budgets and face challenges in finding trustworthy childcare. But I wonder if some of those barriers could be navigated if we reframed our priorities. What if we deferred purchasing unnecessary toys for the kids, or cut back on a few luxuries?
Hiring a babysitter doesn’t require finding a perfect candidate. It could be the local teenager or a mother’s helper. You could even have the sitter entertain your kids in another room while you take a breather in your own space. Sometimes even just a few hours of solitude can make a world of difference.
Perhaps, if we allocated some funds toward childcare instead of indulging in wine and chocolate, we would find a balance that serves us better.
In all seriousness, whether it’s engaging a babysitter, sending your children to their grandparents for the day, or simply entrusting them to your partner for a few hours, you deserve that time. Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it is essential. Moms who never take breaks often find themselves burning out. I know this all too well from my own experiences.
What we aim for as parents is to provide unconditional love and create lasting memories for our children. But how can we do that if we are running on empty, without rest or support? We simply cannot.
So I encourage you to seek help, whether from family or through paid services. You might feel like there’s no time for yourself, but you are worth the investment. You deserve that break, and the bravest thing you can do is to take care of your own needs.
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In summary, hiring a babysitter or finding ways to carve out personal time is crucial for maintaining your sanity and well-being as a mother. You deserve to take a break and nurture your own needs.