As a pediatrician and a parent, I find it essential to talk about the way we perceive and communicate beauty, especially to our children. My daughter, Alyssa, is undeniably stunning—her sparkling blue eyes framed by long lashes, a contagious smile, and hair that catches the sunlight in the most delightful way. It’s heartwarming to hear compliments from friends, family, and even strangers, recognizing her beauty, and I appreciate each one, especially since I played a role in her creation.
However, I often hear remarks that come with an unspoken condition. You’ve likely heard them too. Phrases like, “You look so lovely with your hair down,” or “You’re adorable now that you’re all cleaned up,” imply that her beauty is tied to certain appearances or actions. It suggests that she is only pretty under specific circumstances. This notion is something I am determined to challenge.
Alyssa, at just four years old, is already beginning to internalize these conditional compliments. She’ll emerge from her room, dressed up, and ask, “Mommy, am I pretty now?” or after brushing her teeth, she beams and says, “Look, Mom, I’m pretty!” It breaks my heart to hear her associate her worth with her appearance or actions.
In response, I reassure her, “Sweetheart, you are beautiful all the time. Your beauty is not dependent on your hair, your clothes, or anything else. It comes from who you are inside.” Though she may not fully grasp the gravity of my words yet, I repeat them consistently because it is crucial for her to understand that her value is inherent and unconditional.
The world our daughters are growing up in is filled with mixed messages about beauty. They receive signals suggesting that their worth is contingent on their appearance or size, and the impact of social media can be devastating. It’s crucial that Alyssa understands her beauty is not dictated by external factors, and she needs to hear from those around her that she is beautiful simply because she exists. Whether she’s wearing a princess dress or has chocolate smeared on her face, she is absolutely beautiful.
So, I urge everyone to avoid attaching conditions to compliments about my daughter’s beauty. She shouldn’t learn, at such a young age, that beauty is conditional. It isn’t, and I aim to protect her from society’s misleading narratives for as long as I can.
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In summary, it’s vital to foster an environment where our daughters learn that their beauty is inherent and unconditional. By doing so, we help them navigate a world that can sometimes send conflicting messages about self-worth.