As a pediatrician, I’ve observed that every child possesses a unique temperament from the moment they’re born. My first child, for instance, was a spirited and determined infant, displaying qualities that can both amaze and challenge. On the other hand, my second child radiated warmth and creativity from the start, making him a joy to be around.
In addition to personality traits, I’ve noticed that babies have their own “sleep temperament.” While factors like breastfeeding or sleep associations undoubtedly influence sleep patterns—since breastfed infants often wake more frequently due to quicker digestion—I believe some babies naturally find it easier to self-soothe than others.
Recently, I spent time with a newborn who demonstrated this beautifully. The baby, having just been fed, was drowsy but not yet asleep. She lay contentedly beside her mother, occasionally peeking at me, and, with a relaxed smile, she gradually drifted off. I was taken aback. This seemingly effortless self-soothing was a stark contrast to my own experiences.
I’ve heard the advice to lay your baby down when they’re drowsy but still awake, but this never worked for either of my children. Despite my best efforts—nursing them to sleep before carefully placing them down, only to have their eyes pop open—I never succeeded in this endeavor. When I asked the mother of the calm baby what her secret was, she simply stated, “Oh, she’s always been like that.” No sleep training involved.
Conversely, my journey with my own children has been different. It wasn’t until my eldest was around 9 that I could finally tuck him in and leave the room, a milestone that felt as monumental as it was long-awaited. Sleep training is a personal choice, and for my family, it was never the right path. I genuinely believe that imposing self-soothing techniques would not have worked for my boys, given their unique sleep temperaments.
For those parents who have a baby that struggles to self-soothe, remember: it’s not a reflection of your parenting skills. It can be exhausting when your little one doesn’t sleep well, but it’s essential to know that self-soothing is not a prerequisite for healthy sleep. While having a child who struggles at bedtime can be tiring, there are strategies to help you cope.
Consider sharing the bedtime routine responsibilities with your partner, co-sleeping for convenience, or taking turns sleeping in on weekends. You might even find respite in a well-timed nap aided by a device. Prioritizing self-care is vital for maintaining both your sanity and well-being.
Most importantly, even if you don’t actively teach your child how to self-soothe, they will likely develop this skill on their own in time. It’s a natural part of growing up. Rest assured, no one goes to college needing their parents to put them to sleep!
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Summary
In this article, we explore the nuances of children’s sleep temperament and the misconception that self-soothing is essential for healthy sleep. Each child’s journey is unique, and while some may find self-soothing easier, others will develop this skill on their own over time. Parents are encouraged to prioritize self-care and seek support in managing bedtime challenges.