As mothers, our default response often feels like “no.” No, you can’t have another snack. No, you can’t borrow the car tonight. No, I’m not coming out of this closet to confront your sibling over your missing ‘Harry Potter’ book. We invent reasons to lounge in our pajamas on chilly winter days and decline committee roles because, really, who has time to organize a school carnival? Our partners often hear “no” in the bedroom more than they’d prefer, stemming from body insecurities or sheer exhaustion. We forgo exercise, pointing fingers at our children and their packed schedules, saying no to their overzealous play while discouraging friendships with kids whose parents we don’t trust.
If you’re an introvert like me, you often decline invitations for playdates, thinking, “Why socialize unless absolutely necessary?” So we find ourselves in a cycle of saying no: no, no, nope, not happening. It’s no wonder mothers are often stereotyped as the “no” people in our lives.
But what if we shifted our approach? What if we said yes to ourselves even half the time?
In the early days of motherhood, I devoted every ounce of energy to ensuring my children were safe and happy. I was drained from nightly feedings, endless hours of playdough, and coaxing my little ones into eating something other than blueberries. My social life dwindled to occasional playgroups, and I could go months without wearing anything that made me feel good about myself. One day, after catching a glimpse of my reflection, I realized how much I had neglected my own needs.
I looked far from my best. My hair was a mess, my face bore dark circles and worry lines, and my body had transformed in ways I hardly recognized. It became clear that I had been saying no to my own well-being for far too long.
That moment sparked a change. I began to consciously prioritize my yeses. I declared, “No, I won’t wake up with the kids on Saturday because I’m saying yes to a run” (which was more like a brisk walk that made my neighbors raise their eyebrows). I allowed myself to skip bath time in favor of a spin class with friends. The “no” was still part of my vocabulary, but I stopped using it against myself. I lost 30 pounds of baby weight simply by embracing my own needs. I probably should say no to ice cream more often, but that’s a discussion for another day.
Women, especially mothers, are often seen as the caretakers, the planners, and the solution-finders. We juggle dinner prep, school logistics, and daily chaos, leaving little space for our own aspirations or personal goals. Saying no may simplify our lives, but it can also prevent us from pursuing opportunities that could enrich our existence.
A friend of mine, Lisa, recently shared that she had applied for a new job. She was initially hesitant, worried about the added responsibilities on her already busy plate. Yet, upon reflection, she decided to say yes to herself and tackle the challenge head-on. This decision not only revitalized her career path but also prompted a shopping spree for new work attire. Kudos to her!
Saying yes does not mean neglecting our responsibilities as mothers. It’s not an excuse to offload tasks onto our partners or colleagues. Instead, it represents a mindset shift reminding us that we are worthy of our dreams and desires. Embracing yes is challenging, but it’s vital. I deserve to chase my goals, even if that goal is simply enjoying a solitary cup of coffee at a café for a brief moment of peace.
As I navigate this journey of saying yes more often, I’ll always maintain my no to Justin Bieber. Because, NO.
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In summary, rethinking our approach from “no” to “yes” can dramatically enhance our lives and well-being. It’s about striking a balance between our responsibilities and our own needs, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling existence.