Parenting is undeniably challenging. I’ve been immersed in this role for nearly 16 years, and despite the ups and downs, it has never been a walk in the park. Children are always evolving, often testing our patience, and are inherently unpredictable. Keeping track of their growth, dietary restrictions, sleep patterns, and educational needs can be overwhelming. On top of that, there’s the emotional burden that comes with being a parent, including concerns about their physical and mental well-being. This is compounded by the relentless wave of advice from self-proclaimed experts and online critics.
Over the years, I found myself turning to parenting literature for guidance, but I eventually stopped. I realized that much of the advice is often ineffective; while certain strategies may work temporarily, children tend to adapt and find ways around them. Many of the challenges my kids face are simply phases they will outgrow or reflections of the dynamics within our household.
Yet, there’s one critical question I consistently revisit during turbulent times in parenting: How is our relationship?
In my experience, parenting fundamentally revolves around relationships. While discipline holds its place, it becomes futile if there’s no strong bond with my children. That connection, rooted in love, respect, and trust, is essential; without it, any parenting technique will only yield short-lived results.
When my kids begin to test my limits, it often signals a growing distance between us—an unhealthy gap that I must address. Instead of hardening my approach, I consciously choose to soften. I strive to remind them that I am their safe harbor and biggest supporter. I embrace them with love, letting them know I am their mother first, not just a friend. A mother should be a confidant, someone to whom they can share their fears and aspirations without pretense.
I find myself asking, “How’s our relationship?” in various situations: when my teenager displays signs of rebellion, when my middle child loses her temper with her younger sibling, or when my youngest tells a fib. This inquiry isn’t meant to replace discipline but to serve as a precursor and follow-up to these moments. I want my kids to understand that my ultimate aim is to foster their growth while strengthening our bond.
The connection we share makes addressing issues easier. If my teenager feels that closeness, she’s more open to navigating her adolescent challenges. My middle child can better manage her anger when she knows we’re on the same team. And for my youngest, understanding the value of honesty becomes clearer when he sees trust in action.
I remind myself that my role as a parent is lifelong; our relationship will endure beyond the challenges of discipline, screen time limits, and everyday frustrations. It’s easy to get lost in the routine and forget that maintaining this connection requires conscious effort.
Of course, there are times when I fantasize about escaping the chaos, but I’ve learned that taking breaks can actually benefit our relationship. It allows me to recharge and come back with the best version of myself, which ultimately nurtures our bond.
So far, this approach has yielded positive results. My nearly 16-year-old is a joy to be around, and my middle daughter recently expressed her desire to share everything with me—something I hope continues. I’m aware that as they grow, there will be moments I may prefer not to know, but my goal is to create an environment where they feel comfortable coming to me with anything.
Fostering a relationship built on trust and respect makes parenting significantly more manageable. While it requires ongoing effort, the benefits of maintaining strong, healthy connections with my children are immeasurable.
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In summary, maintaining a strong relationship with your children is the cornerstone of effective parenting. It requires intentionality and effort, but the rewards are well worth the challenge.