As I held you close today while you drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help but savor your sweet scent and the softness of your curls against my cheek. In that moment, I felt overwhelmed — not only by my love for you but by the realization that I don’t take enough time to simply be with you. I wish I could pause life and just enjoy every bit of your precious presence.
It’s a bit difficult to admit, but I had more opportunities to do this with your older brother, Alex. When he was your age, it was just the two of us, and everything felt slower, more deliberate. I could devote my full attention to him, something I long to do for you as well.
You know how deeply I care for you. And without a doubt, I know you would forgive me even before I say this: I’m truly sorry.
I’m sorry our lives are so hectic, that we have to rush out of bed before you’re fully awake, that breakfast has to be a race against time, and that I often have to coax you into getting dressed while you’re busy playing superheroes.
I regret how often you hear me raising my voice, pleading with Alex to remember his lunch for the umpteenth time. I’m sorry for the noise and the chaos that surrounds our mornings, and that you often have to tag along on my errands, from groceries to phone calls.
I apologize that your naptime feels more like a drill sergeant’s orders, and that you sometimes wake up before you’re ready just to pick up your brother. I wish I could provide you with new clothes and toys, instead of relying on hand-me-downs from Alex, but our life is what it is.
I’m sorry that I sometimes have to bribe you with candy just to get you to cooperate with picking up your brother (though I bet you don’t mind the candy too much). I regret that your baby book isn’t filled with memories like it should be, and that I often have to say “just a minute” when you want to play.
You’ve shared me for your entire life, and I want you to understand that my heart has infinite space for both you and Alex. Our lives are full, and that’s how they should be. I cherish all the adorable things you say, and every moment we spend painting, reading, or watching caterpillars in the backyard is a treasure to me.
I hope that despite the busyness, you know how wonderful you are, and how much joy you bring into our family. I hope you remember the times you fell asleep in my arms, and that I’m holding onto your babyhood tightly, even as you grow.
You will always be my baby, no matter how old you get.
With all my love,
Mommy