I Won’t Let Go Until He Does

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As a physician and a parent, I often find myself reflecting on the small yet profound connections we share with our children. Each morning, while my partner rises early, I relish the quiet moments in bed, sprawled out like a starfish. It’s a delightful way to start the day, waiting for my youngest son, who bounds in with tousled hair and a delightful scent, snuggling up close. This morning ritual is something precious to me, and I will hold onto it until he decides otherwise.

In the midst of his play—whether he’s piloting his drone, immersed in Minecraft, or concocting elaborate traps—I sometimes pass by unnoticed. But then, he halts his activity, wraps his arms around my waist, and declares, “I love you, Mom.” I cherish these moments, clinging on until he lets go.

Whenever music fills the air, whether we’re at home or out in public, we can’t resist the urge to dance. Sometimes we sway side by side, other times from a distance, but my older kids often roll their eyes at our antics. Still, I don’t mind, and he doesn’t either; I will keep dancing until he decides it’s time to stop.

He’s never too busy for a photo op with me, and the more outrageous the pose, the better. Often, he prompts us to snap silly selfies in mirrors at stores or restaurants. My answer is always yes—I’ll keep saying yes until he stops asking.

When he’s upset, I have my ways of turning his frown upside down. I might tackle him to the ground, pretending to be a silly monster until laughter fills the room. Even after he smiles, I linger beside him, not getting up until he says it’s time.

He still allows me to shower him with kisses and share moments of closeness. Sometimes, he seems to know my thoughts without a word spoken; leaning in, he welcomes my affection. I won’t stop until he pulls away.

And hand-holding? He still lets me grasp his hand when we cross streets or navigate crowded spaces—not because he needs it, but because I enjoy it. Each time I reach out, he takes my hand in return. I will hold on until he chooses to let go.

He’s generous with his treats, sharing cookies and laughing when I sneak a taste of his cake icing. He always insists there’s more if I want it, and I suspect I’ll continue this playful teasing, whether he likes it or not.

Time flies, and I know it won’t be long before he, like his older siblings, becomes less inclined to embrace these moments. The sweet kisses, morning snuggles, and spontaneous dances will eventually fade into memories. I am determined to savor every last bit of this connection.

He’s my youngest, my last, and I won’t let go—not until he does. Though I will eventually need to loosen my grip, that moment isn’t here yet. For now, we’ll continue to share our special moments, from spontaneous embraces to hand-holding in the grocery store, capturing memories in random places. I will embrace all of it, treasuring every second we have together.

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Summary

The author reflects on the special moments shared with her youngest child, from morning snuggles to spontaneous dancing and playful interactions. She cherishes these connections and vows not to let go until he decides to. The piece emphasizes the importance of embracing these fleeting moments in parenthood.

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